Nature is a mother.
30
Apr
30
Apr
A: A watch dog.
30
Apr
Redmond, WA — Microsoft announced today that the official release date
for the new operating system Windows 2000 will be delayed until the
second quarter of 1901.
30
Apr
Mary Poppins has retired from her days as a nanny and currently resides in
Venice Beach, CA, where she predicts cases of bad breath for her clients.
Her sign outside her office reads: Super California Mystic, Expert:
Halitotsis
Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com
30
Apr
Little Johnny walked into his class and the teacher asked where he had been. he replied, On blueberry hill.
The teacher, still confused, said, Ok… have a seat. Another boy walked in and the teacher asked, Where have you been. he replied, On blueberry hill.
The teacher grumbled a bit and continued class. Enevtually, a girl walked in and the teacher said, Let me guess… You were on blueberry hill.
The girl replied No, but how did you know my name was Blueberry Hill?
30
Apr
Dear Friends,
This letter is being sent to you for I know that you are certainly Interested in your lawn.
The summer season is almost over, and it is time to act if You want a truly spectacular lawn. This is a fertilizer chain letter. It Will cost you nothing.
Upon receipt of this letter, go to the address of the person on the top of this list and poop on their front lawn. You will not be the only one doing this so dont be embarrassed.
Then add your name and address to the bottom of the list and send out five copies of the letter to five of your friends who appreciate a good organic lawn.
You will not get any money or checks, but within a few weeks, if this chain is not broken, there will be 9,255 people pooping on your front lawn.
Your reward will come next year when you have the greenest lawn in your neighborhood.
Mr. Harry Butt
235 Corn Cob Alley
Mr. Smell B. Hind
275 Diarrhea Way
Mrs. Lucy Bowels
298 Bedpan Road
Mr. C. Howie Gast
267 Fertilizer St.
A. Movement
145 Enema Drive
Mr. Charlie Syringe
340 Suppository Lane
Mrs. Minnie Crap
690 Rectum Lane
P.S. If you are constipated, pass this on to a friend or neighbor. Do not break the chain – One man didnt give a crap and lost his whole lawn!
30
Apr
How many Kentucky basketball fans does it take to roof a house?
Three, if you slice them really thin.
30
Apr
After the church service, a little boy told the pastor he was going to give him a lot of money when he grew up.
Well, thank you, the pastor replied, but why?
Because my daddy says youre one of the poorest preachers weve ever had!
30
Apr
I read this in one of the usenet news groups (misc.news.southasia).
According to US Ambassador to India Frank Wisner, an Indian told
the US embassy he wanted a visa in time for former president
Ronald Reagans funeral.
Somewhat taken aback, our consular officer advised the applicant
that Mr. Reagan is still very much alive, Wisner said.
Im aware of that, came the reply. I would rather wait there
than here, the Indian told the visa officer.
Wisner did not say whether the man eventually got the US visa, an
elusive document coveted by most traveling Indians.
30
Apr
For those of you who dont already know, these are the rules that are in effect in every relationship.
1. The female always makes the rules.
2. These rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
3. No male can possibly know all the rules.
4. If the female suspects that the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules.
5. The female is never wrong.
6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a vagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male said or did wrong.
7. If rule number 6 applies, the male must immediately apologize for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The female can change her mind at any given point in time.
9. The male must never change his mind without express written consent of the female.
10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The female must under no circumstances let the male know whether she wants him to be calm, angry or upset.
13. Any attempt to document these rules could result in bodily harm.
14. The female always gets the last word!
(*) These rules are subject to change as the female sees fit. All rules are null and void under the PMS Exception Law