Old and New Jokes

There are three irish men walking down the street when a leprechun comes and talks to them.he points to a bridge and says ,if you jump off that bridge and shout the something the puddle on the other side will turn in to it.so the first man shouts,chocolate,and sure enough it turns in to it.the second man shouts ,money,and again it happened.the third man was just about to jump when slipped and saidshit!.now guess what the puddle turned it to?

Tim Hruza is so ugly he looked out the

window and got arrested for moonin





Tim Hruza is so ugly that when he was



born his doctor slaped his mom





Tim Hruza is so poor that he was kickin a



can down the street someone asked him



what he was doin he said movin





Tim Hruza is so harry big foot took



pictures of him





Tim Hruza is so fat when he went on a



diet McDonalds went out of bussiness.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

55. Tell your roommate that its your birthday–every day.

Quigleys Law: Whoever has any authority over you, no matter how small, will attempt to use it.

A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog.

But how do you know when you are going to land? he was asked. I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground he answered.

But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground? he was again asked. He quickly answered: Oh, the dogs leash goes slack.

The X-MALES

This priest was hearing a womans confession when a drunk stumbled
into the booth on the opposite side. As the priest was finishing
with her he heard the drunk groaning as if in quite some pain.
He slid open the other panel and asked, Are you ok? All
he heard was another groan. He asked again and the drunk finally
replied, Yeah, I feel lots better. Do you have any toilet
paper on your side?

Sam Saal

Late one night in Washington, D.C., a mugger jumped a well-dressed man and held a gun to his ribs.

Give me your money! he demanded. The man stiffened, but said indignantly, You cant do this to me – Im a U. S. Congressman!

In that case, replied the robber, give me my money!

Take a 9 to 5 job in Las Vegas – the wages are poor but the odds are great!

She stops reading Glamour and starts reading Guns and Ammo.

She considers chocolate a major FDA food group.

She puts on one of those pads with wings, then flies off the roof laughing hysterically while riding a broom.

Shes developed a new talent for spinning her head around in 360 degree circles.

She retains more water than Lake Superior.

She denies shes in a bad mood as she pops a clip into her semiautomatic and chambers one.

She buys you a new T-shirt—–with a bulls-eye on the front.

You ask her to please pass the salt at the dinner table and she says,All I ever do is give, give, give! AM I SUPPOSED TO DO EVERYTHING?

She enrolls in the Lizzie Borden School of Charm.

She orders 3 Big Macs, 4 large fries, a bucket of Chicken McNuggets, and then mauls the manager because theyre out of Diet Coke.