Q: How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
A: Five – one to screw it in and four to sit in the hot tub and discuss the environmental impact.
31
Dec
31
Dec
Q: How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six-Scotty to get on the intercom when the light goes out and say I canna do it, Capn! These bulbs are stoon dead, Spock to tell Kirk he is proceeding illogically, McCoy to say Theyre BURNED-OUT, Jim! and Dammit Jim-Im a doctor not an electrician!!, Kirk to screw it in, and two red-shirt security men to die in the process.
31
Dec
Q: How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sod it, were all gonna die anyway.
31
Dec
Q: How many Contras does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but he needs one Iranian, one Israeli, four Canadians, and Arab, twenty Swiss, and Afghan, and Oliver North to help him.
Note: Topical to the 1987 Iran/Contra hearings.
31
Dec
Q: How many Asians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to change it and two to go to the cash & carry.
31
Dec
Q: How many quantum physicists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One: of course. Two to do it, and -1 to renormalise the wave-function. (Explanation – Renormalising the wave function is something that has to be done to a lot of quantum physics calculations to stop the answer being infinity and makes the answer always come out as one.)
31
Dec
Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Nine. One to change the bulb, and eight to protest about the nuclear power plant that generates the electricity that powers it.
31
Dec
Q: How many [cricket] Test Match Special commentators does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to change it, one to eat the lovely chocolate cake sent in by the Bournemouth Womens Institute, one to say Now when was the last time we had to change a light bulb on-air – wasnt it 1989 at Lords ? and one to comment on the lovely red bus going down the Oxford Road.
31
Dec
Q: How many British trades unionists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They cannot interfere with the lightbulbs inalienable right to withdraw its labour.
31
Dec
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Only one, but shes not available. Shes the only programmer we have who can get the [insert name here] software ready to ship to customers, and thats higher priority, you know.