Old and New Jokes

Twas the day before the IPO, when all through the net,
Not an executive was flying, not even Ellisons jet.
The documents were filed with the SEC with care,
In hopes that the IPO soon would be there.

Techies were nestled all snug by their screens,
While visions of liquidity danced in their dreams.
The CEO with a reporter and PR at his side,
The press tour just concluded a cross-country ride.

When out on the web there arose such a clatter,
I surfed to the stock ticker to see what was the matter.
To eTrade, my Mac flew like a flash,
The market made a slight correction, it started to crash!!

I gasped at the thought and started to grouse,
Must I sell my SUV, what about the house?
When what to my wondering eyes would appear,
An email from the CEO that was quite clear.

I knew in a moment what he had to say,
It had to do with the crash that happened that day.
More rapid then VC money and Napster fame,
Another Dotcom Bomb and he called them by name;

Now Pets! Now Petopia! It was plain to see,
Garden and Eve! Oh God, why is this happening to me?
We spent and we spent, with no revenue in site!
Be sticky, capture eyeballs, VCs shouted all night.

As fast as we filed, the IPO was pulled,
On CNBC our story will be told.
B2C, B2B, P2P changed with a flicker,
No company was spared on the stock ticker.

And then, in a twinkle, we were off raising a round.
Searching and searching, no money to be found.
Dont count on series E, no money, no loan,
The end was quite near, we started to moan.

No more launch parties, and Super Bowl ads,
Pink slips and revenue became the fads.
The dot com frenzy – how it glimmered! The days were so merry!
The stock options how rosy, the payoff so cherry!

From Yahoo! to Amazon, they started it all,
Who would think, The stock market, fall?
We were chubby and plump, a right jolly ole folk,
We laughed when we heard, Our start-up going broke?

A wink of the eye and a twist of fate,
We realized our start-up entered the market too late.
We spoke not a word, but overcome with grief,
As we watched the market close in disbelief.

The CEO sprang to his team, and gave a whistle,
Away we were, laid-off like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, as we drove off that night,
www.FailedDotcoms.com will be our next site!

Q. How many animals can you get into one pair of pantyhose?

A. Several. Ten little piggies, two calves, many hares, one ass and a beaver!

A shepherd was herding his flocks in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand new Jeep Cherokee advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and a YSL tie, leaned out of the window and asked our shepherd: If I can tell yo exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one? The shepherd looks at the yuppie, then at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers sure! The yuppie parks the car, whips out his notebook, connects it to a cell-phone, surfs to a NASA page on the Internet where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system, scans the area, opens up a database and some 60 Excel spreadsheets with complex formulas. Finally he prints out a 150 page report on hi-tech miniaturized printer, turns round to our shepherd and says: you have here exactly 1436 sheep!

This is correct. As agreed, you can take one of the sheep says the shepherd. He watches the young man make a selection and bundle it in his Cherokee.

Then he says: If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me my sheep back?

Okay, why not answers the young man.

You are a consultant says the shepherd.

This is correct says the yuppie, How did you guess that?

Easy! answers the shepherd. You turn up here although nobody called you. You want to be paid for the answer to a question I already knew the solution to, while in fact you dont know SHIT about my business, because you took my dog!

Someone who can sit on a scoop of ice cream and tell you what flavor it
is.

Creature who acts nice to you because she doesnt
like you, or mean, because she does.

What you get when you dont read the manual
first.

Effective sunspot remover.

Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was
your money to start with.