Old and New Jokes

Ok there are two gay guys and two lesbians. They are on a race to LA.

Which of the two will get there first?

The Lesbians, because the gay guys are still getting their shit packed!

A: They cant find the 11 on the phone!

A man walking along the beach finds a magic lamp with a genie. The genie promises to grant him whatever wish he wants.
"Okay," says the man, "I would like a highway across the oceans."
"Hrm," says the genie. "Is there anyway you could wish for something smaller?"
"How bout three Polish women with IQs over 90?"
"How many lanes do you want for your highway?"

On a busy morning a vet received a call from a woman who said she was starting a poultry farm and wanted to know how long she should leave the rooster with the hens.

Just a minute replied the vet as his other phone rang.

Thank you very much said the woman, and hang up.

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?

A: So she wouldnt get Hearing Aids.

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say it helps me think. Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Dont forget to use the phrase Told you so.

Yo mama so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put O.K.

a girl was sitting on a bench at school when some boys came over and told her they would give her $5 if she climbed a tree[she is wearing a dress] she said ok so when she got home she told her mom that some boys paid her $5 to climb atree her mom then says they just want to see your underwear this happens again only they pay her $10 instead of $5 it hapens two more times only it is $15 then $20 so the next day they say they will pay her $25 so she climbs the tree the boys all go WWHHOOAAAA! and they drop $35 instead of$25 she teels her mom and her mom goes they just want to see your underwear she says but they could not have seen my underwear i was not wearing any underwear

Un cura tuvo que pasar la noche en un hotel. Después de estar un rato en su habitación, habló a la recepción y le pidió a la muchacha del guardarropa que subiera a cenar con él. Cuando estaban cenando, el cura empezó a hacerle insinuaciones a la muchacha, hasta que ella lo detuvo y le recordó que era un sacerdote.

No hay problema, dijo él, está escrito en la Biblia.

Después de una noche de sexo apasionado, la chica del guardarropa le preguntó dónde decía en la Biblia que estaba bien tener sexo de esa manera.

El cura tomó la Biblia que estaba sobre la mesa, y la abrió en la primera página donde alguien había escrito a lápiz:

La chica del guardarropa es una putilla.