Yo mama has a wooden leg with a kickstand on it.
10
Mar
10
Mar
Q: How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four–One to hold the bulb and three to try to remember the combination.
10
Mar
Un chofer que ha manejado muchas horas decide parar al costado del camino para dormir un poco. Apenas ha cerrado los ojos, un corredor que pasa por ahà le golpea la ventana para preguntarle la hora. El tipo abre y todavÃa somnoliento le dice: Son las 6, cierra la ventana y se vuelve a quedar dormido.
De inmediato le vuelven a tocar, ahora un paletero. ¿Qué quiere? ¿Quiero saber qué hora es? Son las 6:05.
El tipo se vuelve a dormir y ahora una señora le vuelve a tocar la ventanilla: Disculpe que lo moleste, ¿podrÃa darme la hora? ¡SON LAS 6:10!
El tipo coje un plumón y en un cartón escribe: NO TENGO LA HORA, lo pega en la ventanilla y se dispone a dormir tranquilo. Apenas estaba cerrando los ojos cuando alguien le toca de nuevo…
¿Y ahora usted qué quiere?, pregunta furioso.
Nada señor, sólo querÃa decirle que son las 7 con 15 minutos…
10
Mar
*** NOTE: This joke may be offensive to some.
STOP HERE if you are offended by religious jokes. ***
************************************************************
A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth.
He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that he grew up, etc.
So he asked his class, Where is Jesus today?
Steven raised his hand and said, Hes in heaven.
Mary was called on and answered, Hes in my heart.
Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurts out –
I know! I know! Hes in our bathroom!!!
The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.
And Little Johnny said, Well…every morning, my father gets up,
bangs on the bathroom door, and yells –
Jesus Christ, are you still in there!?!
10
Mar
Knock Knock
Whos there
See
See who
I See you pee!
10
Mar
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Maxwell!
Maxwell who?
Maxwell call later if your not going to answer!
10
Mar
Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but whips and chains excite me.
10
Mar
A couple agreed that whoever died first would come back and inform the other about the after life. The womans biggest fear was that there was no heaven.
The husband was the first to go, and true to his word, he made contact. Mary… Mary…
Is that you Fred?
Yes, I have come back like we agreed.
Well, what is it like?
Well, when I get up in the morning I have sex, then I have breakfast, then I have sex again, then I bathe in the sun, then I have sex twice more, then I have lunch, then I have sex all afternoon and into the early evening, until bedtime. And, then, I start all over again the next day.
Oh Fred, you surely must be in heaven.
Hell no, Mary, Im a rabbit in Kansas.
10
Mar
Lutheran humorist the Rev. Paul Linterns Top 10 pick-up lines for a Christian:
Hi, this pew taken?
My prayers are answered.
Whats a charismatic like you doing in a mainline place like this?
How about we go over to my place for a little devotional?
Hi, angel!
Dont worry, Im attracted to you purely in a spiritual way.
Im Episcopalian. Whats YOUR sign?
I think youre sitting on my Bible.
Read any good Bible passages lately?
So, worship here often?
Taken from clari.news.religion
Copyright: 1994 by The Associated Press
10
Mar
Everywhere this lady went, nobody wanted to talk to her, no one ever asked her to go out. Guys came up to her and turned away. She wondered why this would happen.
So she went to her doctor and told him what was going on. She thought that maybe there was a problem with her.
The doctor told her he would give her a complete exam. He told her to undress and get up on the table, so she did.
He told her to open her mouth and he checked it. Then he asked her to get down from the table and bend over. He then said to the lady, I know what your problem is, you have zactly.
The lady then asked, What is zactly? The doctor said, Lady your mouth smells zactly like your butt!