Recently, I was at a professional football game supporting my favorite team. My seat wasnt the greatest, so when i noticed a vacant seat on the fifty yard line 10 rows up, I headed towards it. I asked the man sitting next to it if the seat was taken. He replied, No.
I started talking to the man and I learned he owned the seat I was in. He said, My wife use to love to come to these games until she died.
Why didnt you give this seat away to a friend? I asked.
He replied, Because they are all at her funeral.
Posted in General / Unsorted |
There was a young lady named Gloria
whod been had by Sir Gerald Di Maurier,
and then by six men,
Sir Gerald again,
and the band at the Waldorf-Astoria.
Lyles Joke Boutique.
Posted in General / Unsorted |
There was a man who was throwing a party at his house when suddenly and unexpectedly the devil showed up.
All of the people at the party started running out of the house except for the one man who was throwing the party.
The devil asked the man, Why arent you running away like the rest of those fools?
The ran replied, Are you kidding? Why should I?
Ive been married to your sister for 28 years!
Posted in Love and marriage |
What do Rubicks Cubes and penises have in common?
The more you play with them, the harder they get.
Posted in One Liners |
Q:What do you call a blonde with hair dyed brunette
.
.
.
.
A: Artificial Intelligence
Posted in Blonde |
En su fiesta de despedida de soltero, un tipo se emborracha y tiene un accidente en su miembro con una puerta. Lo llevan de emergencia a un hospital y el médico decide entablillarlo.
Al dÃa siguiente, en la noche de bodas, la esposa le dice:
¡Mi amor, me conserve virgen para ti!
Entonces el marido se destapa y dice:
¡Mira, mi amor, está sin desembalar!
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
Una mujer y su hijita van a visitar la tumba de la abuela. Cuando vuelven a la casa, la nenita le pregunta:
¡Mamá, mamá! ¿A veces entierran a más de una persona en una misma tumba?
¡Por supuesto que no! ¿de dónde sacaste esa idea?
En la tumba de al lado de la de la abuela decÃa: Aquà se encuentra enterrado un abogado y una buena persona.
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
A young man walked up and sat down at the bar. What can I get you? the bartender inquired.
I want 6 shots of Jagermeister, responded the young man.
6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?
Yeah, my first blowjob, the man answered.
Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house.
No offense, sir. But if 6 shots wont get rid of the taste, nothing will.
Posted in Bar |
She went into an hunted house and came out with an application
when she joined an ugly contest, they said Sorry, no professionals.
she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
even Freddy Krueger has nightmares of her.
they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
they filmed Gorillas in the Mist in her shower
they didnt give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.
instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck
when a cop asked for her drivers license he arrested her for carrying a concealed weapon.
she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
that she scared the shit out of the toilet.
she went to get her nose pierced & got stabbed in the ass!
when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras
her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
that if ugly were bricks shed have her own projects.
she made an onion cry.
when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours… for a quote!
she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
she looks out the window and gets arrested!
even Rice Krispies wont talk to her!
Ted Dansen wouldnt date her!
for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!
she turned Medusa to stone!
The NHL banned her for life
people go as her for Halloween.
that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.
she scares the roaches away.
I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesnt have to kiss her goodbye.
Posted in Foul Language |
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Detail!
Detail who?
Detail-a phone operator!
Posted in Knock-knock |