Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They just write it up as a new and useful feature.
02
Feb
02
Feb
A little dwarf lady goes into her doctors office complaining of an irritated crotch.
After an examination the doctor sighs, I dont seem to see any problem. Does it get better or worse at any time?
Yeah, its really bad whenever it rains, she replies.
Well, then, says the Doc, Next time it rains, get in here at once, and well take another look at it.
Two weeks later it’s raining really hard and the little lady shows up at the doctors office. Doctor, its really bad today. Please you have to help me!!
Well, lets have a look, he says as he lifts her up onto the table.
Oh, yes, I think I see the problem. Nurse bring me a surgical kit. Dont worry maam this wont hurt a bit.
The dwarf lady closes her eyes in painful anticipation. The doctor begins snipping away and finishes a few minutes later. There you go, maam, try that.
She walks back and forth around the office and exclaims, Thats great, Doc, what did you do?!
To which the doctor replied, I just took a couple of inches off the top of your rain boots.
02
Feb
Dos maricas se detienen a la orilla de la carretera y uno de ellos penetra entre los arbustos con el fin de evacuar.
Después de un rato, el sarasa regresa todo pálido y afligido.
¿Pero qué te pasó?, le pregunta alarmado su compañero.
Aborté, responde compungido el afeminado.
¡Ay, tonta, no me espantes! ¡Nosotras no abortamos!
SÃ, ven, acompáñame. ¡Mira sus manitas, mira sus ojitos…!
¡Estúpida! ¡Te cagaste en un sapo!
02
Feb
El padre se dirige a sus feligreses:
Si tienen fe sanarán, si tienen fe sanarán; pongan su mano sobre la parte afectada y el milagro ocurrirá.
Una pareja de viejitos está oyendo el sermón. El septuagenario disimuladamente baja la mano y la pone en la ingle. La viejita lo ve y le dice:
Viejo, él habló de milagro de sanación, no de resurrección.
Joke found on http://www.loschistes.com
02
Feb
02
Feb
He had to get to the body shop.
02
Feb
Two Surds were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes
into the flight, the Captain announces, One of the engines has failed
and the flight will be an hour longer. But dont worry, we have three
engines left.
Thirty minutes later, the Captain announces, One more engine has
failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But dont worry, we have
two engines left.
An hour later, the Captain announces, One more engine has failed
and the flight will be three hours longer. But dont worry, we have one
engine left.
One Surdarji looked at the other and said, If we lose one more
engine, well be up here all day!
02
Feb
A seal thought he would take a break from the beach, and decided to go for a drive. He was happily driving along the highway, slurping on his ice-cream when suddenly his car broke down. He called out a mechanic, who spent a few minutes examining the car. He said, It looks like youve blown a seal. The seal replied, No, its just ice-cream.
02
Feb
You might be a redneck if you steal bank canisters and use them as food containers!
02
Feb
This poor guy received a slight variation of the tatoo treatment, we painted a treasure map in his stomach with genciana violet (a purple dye that last about a week).
But just when you think it was safe, I put in his lugagge, 5 POUNDS OF RICE! (witout a bag, gee, i forgot the bag) and a note: Sorry i couldnt toss this rice at you at the church!
I wish I could have been there when he had opened his suitcase, and imagine the explanation to the hotel maid about all that rice on the floor of the room!
Also check the Part 1