Old and New Jokes

Will u remember me in a day?

Yes



Will u remember me in a week?



Yes



Will u remember me in a month?



Yes



Will u remember me in a year?



Yes



Knock Knock



Whos there?



U said you were going to remember me!

C:WINDOWS C:WINDOWSGO C:PCCRAWL

Attention Bridge Buyers

The most respected name in bridge sale is about to present an offer that no self respecting bridge collector can ignore. The Bradley Bridge Exchange is proud to introduce the Commemorative Bridge Series. Even if you have never collected bridges before this unique investment opportunity should interest you.

The Bradley Bridge Exchange has been selling quality collectable bridges for fifty years. Now through this once in a lifetime Internet offer, you can purchase famous bridges.

Think about it, EVERYONE needs bridges: to go to work, walk across, jump from, get mugged under and to throw rocks from.

Not all bridges go up in value, the Bradley Bridge Exchange guarantees that your own personalized bridge will retain its minimum value for at least one full year.

The famous Golden Gate Bridge was originally offered through The Bradley Bridge Exchange for a mere 35 dollars. In the 57 times it has since been re-sold, its value has increased to an astounding 10 million dollars! No other LEGAL investment could give that kind of return so quickly.

Look at the fine craftsmanship of this early American George Washington Bridge:

Note the detail in the rust, the unique yO maMa mural which captures the American dream and the fine cracked metal work in these steel supports. You will not find any composites or reinforced concrete here.

Bridges are not owned by the city, state or country. Bridges are owned by the contractors that build them. They are then purchased by the Bradley Bridge Exchange.

Top investors say that bridges are a solid investment with underlying liquid assets.

In addition to the potential of increasing of the physical value, bridges can actually generate INCOME through the use of tolls.

Not only am I an owner of a bridge I am also a user!

Insurance is un-necessary. There has never been a theft of a major bridge in the history of The Bradley Bridge Exchange.

Bridges also make useful homes for transients which will make you appear in good standing in your community.

Act now while prices remain low. The Bradley Bridge Exchange WILL destroy all bridge molds for the above mentioned Washington Bridge with in a period of 30 Days. The first 100 bridges sold will receive 25 toll free suicide hot line signs at no additional cost. All mailers will receive The Bradley Bridge Exchanges guide to purchasing tunnels and national parks at no additional cost.

Please E-Mail us directly at BBE@cash.be.ours with your credit card number. System operators are standing by.

What does Ford stand for?

Found On Rednecks Driveway!

A priest, a Buddhist and a rabbi are discussing what each would like to be said at their funeral.

The priest said that he would like someone to say, There is a man who followed the path of Jesus.

The buddist said that he would like someone to say, There is a man who strived for enlightenment.

The rabbi said that he would like somone to say, LOOK! Hes moving!

Four men are golfing one day. The first man steps up to tee and states boastfully My son is so rich that he bought his lover a house.

The second man steps up to tee and says, Well, MY son is so rich that he bought his lover a new car.

The third man steps up and says, My son is so wealthy that he bought his lover a whole summer home in Miami.

Finally, the fourth man goes to tee and he says, Well, my son isnt rich and self-made like yours and hes gay, and from what I hear, despite my objections, he has 3 separate lovers and from them he just got a new house, a new car, and a summer home in Miami.

Log On: Makin the wood stove hotter.
Log Off: Dont add no wood.
Monitor: Keepin an eye on the wood stove.
Download: Gettin the firewood off the pickup.
Mega Hertz: When yer not careful downloadin.
Floppy Disk: Whatcha git from pilin too much firewood.
Ram: The hydrolic thingy that splits the firewood.
Hard Drive: Gettin home in the winter season.
Prompt: What you wish the mail was in the winter.
Windows: What to shut when its below 15 below.
Screen: What cha need for the black fly season.
Byte: Thats what the flies do.
Chip: What to munch on.
Micro Chip: Whats left in the bottom of the bag.
Infrared: Where the left-overs go when Freds around.
Modem: What cha did to the hay fields.
Dot Matrix: Farmer Matrixs wife.
Lap Top: Where little kids feel comfy.
Keyboard: Where ya hang your keys.
Software: Them plastic eatin utensils.
Mouse: Whats eats the horses grain.
Main Frame: Hold up the barn roof.
Port: Fancy wine.
Enter: Cmon in.
Random Access Memory: You cant remember whatcha paid for that new rifle when your wife asks.

You might be a redneck if…
Your birth announcement included the word "rug rat".

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrows final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family members death.One smart ass male student said, What about extreme sexual exhaustion?, and the whole classroom burst into laughter.After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write.

1. A CAUCASIAN WOMAN:

First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.
Third date: You get to have sex but only in the missionary position.

2. IRISH WOMAN:

First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

3. ITALIAN WOMAN:

First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3 carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.

4. JEWISH WOMAN:

First Date: You get dynamite head.
Second Date: You get more great head.
Third Date: You tell her youll marry her and never get head again.

5. POLISH WOMAN:

First Date: You go to pick her up, and she isnt home.
She gave you the wrong address.
Second Date: You decide to meet at a restaurant. She gets lost getting to the restaurant and then again going home.
Third Date: Shes pregnant. Shes not sure if its hers.

6. CHINESE WOMAN:

First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner but nothing happens again.
Third date: You dont even get to the third date and you have already realized
nothing is going to happen.

7. INDIAN WOMAN:

First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.

8. BLACK WOMAN:

First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: Shes pregnant by someone other than you.

9. LATIN WOMAN:

First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get her drunk on Riunite,
have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date: She is pregnant.
Third Date: Move in with her, her two cousins, her sisters boyfriend
and live happily ever after eating rice and beans in the Bronx.