80% of all statistics quoted to prove a point are made up on the spot.
29
Dec
29
Dec
Why do Jews have big noses?
Because air is free.
29
Dec
What do you call a blonde in a freezer?
A frosted Flake!
29
Dec
why did jesus stop playing HoCkEy???…………………………………….cuz he kept getting nalied to the BoArDsssss!!
(and for all you religous people i didnt mean to affend you)
29
Dec
Dos muchachas iban a la escuela y tenÃan que pasar por un tianguis donde estaba un árabe sentado vendiendo cosas. Las dos jovenes pasaron frente a el y el arabe les pregunta, con su acento árabe:
¿Ustedes dos son hermanas?
Y una de ellas le responde: No, señor.
Al dÃa siguiente pasaron de nuevo y el árabe les vuelve a preguntar: ¿Ustedes dos son hermanas? y una le responde: No, señor.
Al siguiente dÃa volvieron a pasar y el árabe les pregunta: ¿Ustedes dos son hermanas? y la otra joven le responde: ¡Qué no, señor!.
Al dÃa siguiente antes de pasar una le dice a la otra: Si nos vuelve a preguntar le diremos que somos hermanas por que ya me enfadó.
Pasaron y el árabe les pregunta: ¿Ustedes dos son hermanas?
Y le contesta la joven: Si, señor, si somos hermanas.
Y el arabe les responde: ¡Pues no se parecen!
29
Dec
Act out your version of company takeover
Find a way to change everyones password to hellraiser
Around 3:20am, play connect the dots with lights still on in other office buildings
Sneaking in the bosss desk could land you an unexpected promotion
Draw stick people in all the landscape pictures on the walls, and in the morning, be the first to point out what a terrible thing that someone did this to such beautiful works of art
Go into the other genders bathroom without fear of being caught
Run up and down the hallways screaming, hoping security will call so you can have someone to talk to
Leave prank message on the CEOs voice mail
Finally, a chance to live out a dream and work naked at your desk
Elevator surfing!
29
Dec
Her belly button doesnt have lint, it has sweaters.
29
Dec
BOY: Isnt the principal a dummy?!
GIRL: Say, do you know who I am?
BOY: No.
GIRL: Im the principals daughter.
BOY: And do you know who I am?
GIRL: No.
BOY: Thank goodness!
29
Dec
A black cow was standing in the middle of the road. A man was hauling ass around a corner with no headlights on, no dome light, no lights on at all. He slams on the brakes at just the right time to miss the cow. How did the guy see the cow?
It was daytime
29
Dec
A man walks into a bar with his turtle which is has two black eyes, 3 broken legs, a plater on his head and duct tape holding his shell together.
the bar man looks to him and says
what the hell is that thing
the man replies
this is the fasted turtle in the world
the barman
if it can make it across the length of my bar in 10 mins i will give you free drinks all evening
the man
its a deal
So everybody in the bar is waiting patiently for the man to put his turtle and on the floor and watch it go then the bar man says go, and without any hesitation the man throughs his turtle across the bar bouncing off the wall at the other side and falling to the floor.
The man replies
two shots of vodka please.