A
blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist
for a bottom deodorant. "Sorry, we dont sell bottom
deodorant" the pharmacist replies, struggling to
keep from laughing.
"But I always buy it here", the blonde
says. "I bought one last month". Thinking
quickly, the pharmacist suggests, " I dont know
what you bought before, may be you can bring in the
empty container next time". "Sure",
the blonde replies. "Ill bring it with me tomorrow"
The next day, the blonde walks into the shop again
and hands the pharmacist an almost empty deodorant
stick. "This is just a normal deodorant",
the pharmacist tells the blonde, "You use it
under your arms".
"No, it is not", the blonde answers, "it
says so here: To apply, push up bottom".
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Ivory!
Ivory who?
Ivory strong like Tarzan!
Seems there were these three professionals sitting around talking about the oldest profession (not THAT one!).
The Doctor says, Well, the Bible says that God took a rib out of Adam to make woman. Since that clearly required surgery, then the oldest profession is surely medicine.
The Engineer shakes his head and replies, No, no. The Bible also says that God created the world out of void and chaos. To do that, God must surely have been an engineer. Therefore, Engineering is the oldest profession.
The Lawyer smiles smugly and leans discreetly forward. Ah, he says, but who do you think created the Chaos?
Juan y MarÃa han sido novios desde la secundaria pero nunca han hecho el amor.
Tenemos que esperar a que nos casemos, sugiere la chica.
Asà que él espera. Tienen 3 años de compromiso y, finalmente, el gran dÃa llega. Pero, en la noche de bodas MarÃa sale del baño y le informa:
Malas noticias: tengo la menstruación y no quiero que nuestra primera vez esté manchada de sangre.
Estás bromeando, dice Juan esperanzado.
Tendremos que esperar un poco más.
Y MarÃa se va a dormir. Se despierta a las 3 de la madrugada para beber algo; de regreso a la cama advierte que Juan está con los ojos totalmente abiertos mirando al techo.
Eso no sirve de nada, Juan, es mejor que te duermas.
Lo harÃa, pero mi pene está tan erecto que no queda piel suficiente para que pueda cerrar los ojos.
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde lady comes in and wants to bet $10,000 on a single roll of the dice. And she adds, I hope you dont mind, but I feel much luckier when I m completely nude.
With that she takes off everything but her necklace and rolls the dice while yelling, Mama needs new clothes. Then she yells, YES, YES, YES!! I WON, I WON, I WON.
She begins jumping up and down and hugging both of the dealers. Then she picks up her money and her clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, What did she roll, anyway?
The other answers, I dont know. I thought YOU were watching.
Moral: Not all blondes are dumb.
Three men were lost inthe jungle and were captured by natives they were about to be killed when they were all asked if they wanted one last thing before they were killed. the first man asked for a beer he got one drank it and was killed the native who killed him says he make good canoe cover. the next man said can i get a fag so he got one smoked it and was killed. the native says ah he also make good canoe cover . finally it was the last mans turn he asked for a fork he tokk it and stabbed himself all over his body filling himself with holes and says to the native youre not making fucking canoe covers out of me
It is not how someone measures up. It is how they measure you.
An actual tip from page 16 of the Hewlett Packard Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook for Employees: Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes.
Id give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
Nursing home event … Bill Clinton denies allegations of affair with candy striper.
Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.
Baby conceived naturally…..scientists stumped.
Ozone created by electric cars now killing thousands in Los Angeles.
New California law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, and baseball bats be registered by January 2036.