Old and New Jokes

Q: How do you change a blondes mind?

A1: Blow in her ear.

A2: Buy her another beer.

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?

The blonde said, How about 50 dollars? The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The mans wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?

The man replied, She should. She was standing on the porch.

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

Youre finished already? he asked. Yes, the blonde answered, and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. And by the way, the blonde added, thats not a Porch, its a Ferrari.

Two guys, Joe & Bill went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, they fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Joe wakes his faithful friend and says, Bill, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.

Bill replies, I see millions of stars.

What does that tell you? asked Joe.

Bill ponders for a minute, then says, Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the

morning.

Theologically, its evident the

Lord is all-powerful and we are small, and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you, Joe?

Joe is silent for a moment, then says, Bill, you stupid moron, someone has stolen our tent.

Why is Chicago called the Windy City?

Because the Bears blow!

There once was a snail that wanted to buy a Nissan Z car.

So, he went to a dealership and bought a car. But, he said to the salesperson, I would like my car personalized. Would it be possible to have the Z replaced with an S? The dealer said yes, and it was done.

And, as the snail raced around the city in his brand new car, everyone would see, Wow, look at that S-car-go.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
China!
China who?
China just like old times isnt it!

Q: Whats the difference between Bill Clinton and a container of yogurt?
A: Yogurt has culture.

Bill and Hillary have provided the special prosecutor with every shred of evidence they have. — Al Gore

Q: How many Perot supporters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they all just quit and go home!

Q: How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One.