Old and New Jokes

Knock Knock
Whos there?
China!
China who?
China just like old times isnt it!

Q: Whats the difference between Bill Clinton and a container of yogurt?
A: Yogurt has culture.

Bill and Hillary have provided the special prosecutor with every shred of evidence they have. — Al Gore

Q: How many Perot supporters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they all just quit and go home!

Q: How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One.

Q. How do Rednecks engage in oral sex?

A. They go to opposite ends of the trailer, and shout **** you at each other.

Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive 98, a suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex.



Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play. It believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage in penetrating the copulation enhancement market.



The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of human beings.



The Contraceptive98 suite consists of three products: Condom 98, DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from Norton Utilities).



A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the package. The suite also comes in two expanded versions. Contraceptive 98 Professional is the Client/Server edition, for professionals in the sexual services sector. Contraceptive98 Small Business Edition is a package for start-ups, aimed at the housewife and gigolo niches.



While Contraceptive 98 does not address non-traditional copulatory channels, future plug-ins are planned for next year. They will be known as BackDoor, AuraLee, TitElation, and JerkOff.



OPERATION

Only one node in a peer-to-peer connection needs to install the package. At installation, the Condom98 software checks for minimum hardware. If the user meets the requirements, the product installs and is sufficiently scaleable to meet most requirements. After installation, operation commences. One caution is that the user must have sufficient RAM to complete the session. When the session is complete, a disconnect is initiated, and the user gets the message, It is now safe to turn off your partner.



DRAWBACKS

Usability testers report that frequent failures were a major concern during beta testing. General Protection Fault was the most serious error encountered. Early versions had numerous bugs, but most of these have been eliminated. The product needs to be installed each time its used.



CONCLUSION

Contraceptive 98 is a robust product. Despite its drawbacks, it is a reasonably good value for its $49.95 price tag, and is far superior to its shareware version. Hopefully, future releases (of the software, that is) will add missing functionality, such as Backout and Restore, Uninterruptible Power Supply, and Onboard Camera.



Microsoft CEO Bill Gates is optimistic about Contraceptive 98s potential. He recently said, Our contraceptive products will help users do to each other what weve been doing to our customers for years.

Q1: If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis; would you recommend that she have an abortion?



Read the next question before scrolling down to the answer of this one.



Q2: It is time to elect the world leader, and your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three leading candidates:



Candidate A

Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. Hes had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.



Candidate B He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whisky every evening.



Candidate C He is a decorated war hero. Hes a vegetarian, doesnt smoke, drinks an occasional beer and hasnt had any extramarital affairs.







Which of these candidates would be your choice?







Decide first, no peeking, then scroll down for the answer.

If opportunity came disguised as temptation, one knock would be enough.

A: A giraffic jam.