Old and New Jokes

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

39. When you walk in, complain about the heat.

It was graduation night at Cox High School and they were about halfway through the ceremony when the principal said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a problem, Bubba is a few credits short and wont be able to graduate tonight.

Well now, Bubba was the starting right guard for Coxs football team, and when the student body heard that he wasnt going to graduate, they all jumped up and started to chant, Give Bubba another chance, give Bubba another chance!

Pat Dye and the principal had a quick conference and afterward, the principal announced that they have decided to give Bubba another chance. Bubba is told that he will be given a One Question math test and if he passes, he can graduate.

The question is, What is 2 plus 3? Bubba thinks for about 20 minutes and finally says, I have it! The answer is 5!

There is complete silence in the auditorium for a couple of seconds and then the entire Cox High School football team jumps up and begins to chant, Give Bubba one more chance. Give Bubba one more Chance!

Pepito va a visitar a su abuelito que vive en el campo. Llega la hora de dormir, pero como no había luz eléctrica, el viejecito de 78 años permite que su nieto duerma con él para que no tenga miedo. Ya en la madrugada el viejito grita:

¡Rápido, tráiganme dos putas a mi cama!

Pepito se despierta todo somnoliento:

Momento abuelito, en primer lugar, ya no estás en edad de pedir muchachas, en segundo, son las 5:45 de la mañana y en tercero… ¡Lo que tienes en la mano es de mi propiedad!

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants.

I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter in to the Emergency room right away.

A doctor tells his patient –

Ive got some good news and Ive got some bad news for you.



So, the patient asks, Whats the good news, Doc?



And the doctor says, Theyre going to name a disease after you!

A family with 2 grown up boys would go visit theit grandmother every year for x-mas and the grandma would always make cookies but someone would always eat the cookie dough before she could bake the cookies. so one year she put some bebes in the cookie dough. she would be able to figue out who kept eating the cookie dough. the next morning one of the boys came down and said,grandma, i was brushing my teeth and i puked out bebes! just then the other boy came in and said,grandma, i was jacking off in the barn and i shot a bebe out of my penis and killed a cow!.

Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)^2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x].

May you live happily ever after with a poor, ugly, shrewish wife.

Everyone who ticks him off gets a $26,000 phone bill.
Hes won the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes three years running.
When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex.
Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.
Somehow gets HBO on his PC at work.
Mumbled, Oh, puh-leeeez! 295 times during the movie The Net.
Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments.
His video dating profile lists public-key encryption among turn-ons.
Instead of the Welcome voice on AOL, you overhear, Good Morning, Mr. President.

And the Number One sign your co-worker is a computer hacker…
You hear her murmur, Lets see you use that VISA now, Professor I-Dont-Give-As-In-Computer-Science!

Thanx to William.Conway@gdc.com

A: Because they cant spell PORSCHE.