In the afternoon this guy drives down a highway to visit a nearby lake and relax. On his way to the lake one guy dressed from head to toe in red standing on the side of the highway gestures him to stop.
Our guy rolls down the window. How can I help you?
I am the red bastard of the asphalt, you got something to eat?
With a smile in his face he hands one of his sandwiches to the red dressed guy and drives away.
Not even five minutes thereafter he comes across another guy. This time the guy is dressed fully in yellow, standing on the side and waving him to stop. A bit irritated our guy stops, cranks down the window. What can I do for you?
I am the yellow bastard of the asphalt, you got something to drink?
Hardly managing to smile this time he hands to the guy a can of coke and then stomps on the pedal and takes off again. In order to make it to the lakeside before sunset he decides to go faster and not to stop no matter what.
To his frustration he sees another guy on the side, dressed all in blue, making a hand signal to stop him. Not quite willing our guy decides to stop a last time, rolls his window down and yells to the guy, So, let me guess, youre the blue bastard of the asphalt and just what the hell do you wanna have?
Drivers license and registration please.
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Chemists fast prayer:
Dear Lord, if I mix sodium
with concentrated HNO3,
and add to it Plutonium,
would you take care on me?
Posted in Science |
Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster
Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesnt appreciate the strained carrots.
Posted in Terms and definitions |
The 70-year old groom and the 25-year old bride attracted raised eyebrow attention as they checked into the resort hotel. Next morning at eight sharp, the groom came into the dining room whistling a gay tune, sat down at a table and ordered ham and eggs. The smile on his face and the twinkle in his eye told everybody present that he was happy and confident.
Fifteen minutes later the young bride slowly trudged into the dining room and seated herself across from her 70-year old. Her face was drawn and her voice weak as she ordered toast and coffee.
The groom, now finished, excused himself and strolled into the lobby for his morning cigar.
As the waitress approached with the brides toast and coffee, she said, Honey, I dont understand it. Here you are a young bride with an old husband, looking like youve encountered a buzz saw.
That guy, said the bride, double crossed me. He told me he saved up for 60 years and I thought he was talking about money!
Posted in Naughty |
Estaban tres elefantes en medio de la selva echadotes porque hacÃa mucho calor.
Uno de ellos dice: Yo quisiera tener las orejas muy muy grandes.
Los otros dos le preguntan: para que las quieres?
Ahhh, pues para hechar mucho aire con ellas y asà refrescarnos un poco.
Otro de los elefantes dice entonces:
Pues yo quisiera tener la trompa bien laaarga.
¿Y para qué la quieres? dicen los otros dos.
Ahhh, pues para que llegara hasta el rÃo y asi echarnos agua sin levantarnos.
Entonce el tercer elefante dice:
Pues yo quisiera tener unas pestañotas largas y bien chinas.
¿Y eso para qué? preguntan los otros.
Y el elefante contesta:
Ahh, pues nada mas de joto (gay).
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
A keen analyst: Thoroughly confused.
Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.
Active socially: Drinks heavily.
Posted in Terms and definitions |
Indifference is the only sure defense.
Posted in Business |
Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A: A golden retriever!
Posted in Blonde |
You might be a redneck if…
You take a bath in a water trough.
Your mama keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
Yer richest kin folk buys a new house and you gotta help take the wheels off of it.
If your flyswatter gets more use than your toothbrush.
You have more appliances in your front yard than you do in your house.
If you use your front porch as a stand for deer hunting.
If you have two refigerators – one outside for the food and one inside for the beer.
You pull out the generator when the power goes out to watch a NASCAR race!
You remember phone numbers by writing them in the dust on your dash board.
Posted in Redneck |