Son: Dad, did you go to Church when you were little?
Dad: Yes son, every single Sunday.
Son: I thought so. Bet it wont do me any good either.
25
Sep
25
Sep
If Atheists dont belive in God…
…can they get insured for an act of god?
25
Sep
Next on Entertainment Tonight, celebrity birthdays: Mariah Careys breasts are 2 years old!
25
Sep
What do you call a blonde with a half a brain? Gifted!
24
Sep
Having had one too many, a bar drinker was beginning to display an ugly side.
An unescorted female sat down beside him and he whispered to her, Hey ! How about it babe ? You and me ?
As she got up to move, he said loudly, Honey, you sure look like you could use the money, but I dont have an extra two dollars.
She looked back and replied just as loudly, What makes you think I charge by the inch ?
24
Sep
24
Sep
El esposo llega a la casa con un morado en el cuello que le dejó su amante. Trata de taparse pero la marca es tan grande que su esposa seguramente va a descubrirla. Entonces, va a la cuna del niño, lo alza y lo pone cerca de su cuello. En ese momento grita con fuerza:
¡Niño malcriado, cómo me mordió, mira cómo me dejó el cuello!
La esposa le contesta:
SÃ, al niño le ha dado por morder últimamente, mira a mà cómo me tiene el pecho…
24
Sep
Un tipo recibe una llamada anónima avisándole que su mujer lo engaña con un tal Fernando… todos los dÃas en cuanto el se va al trabajo.
Al dÃa siguiente, el tipo parte pero se queda espiando desde la esquina. Al rato ve llegar a Fernando buen mozo, 2 metros de alto, cuerpo atlético, aristocrático, ropa italiana de última moda, el cual con un ramo de flores en la mano, toca el timbre de su casa.
Desde lejos ve que su mujer le abre y lo hace entrar. El marido corre, abre con su llave sin hacer ruido, entra sigilosamente y espÃa por la puerta entreabierta del dormitorio. Fernando se saca la chaqueta revelando unos hombros poderosos y armónicos. La mujer lo besa apasionadamente y se saca los zapatos.
El marido no sabe que hacer, que decir, ni como intervenir y sólo atina a seguir espiando. Fernando se saca la camisa de seda natural y muestra un torso perfecto, un vientre duro y sin un gramo de grasa.
La mujer se saca la falda y lo acaricia con locura.
Fernando se saca los pantalones y sus piernas son virilmente perfectas y un instrumento que le cuelga de envidia.
La mujer se saca la blusa y al soltarse el sostén se le caen las tetas hasta el ombligo… ¡Qué horrible ecena!
El marido afligidÃsimo esconde la cara entre las manos y murmura:
¡Puta madre, vieja de mierda, qué vergüenza con Fernando!
24
Sep
Q. What is the cheapest meat?
A. Deer balls, there under a buck.
24
Sep
An American automobile company and a Japanese auto company decided to have a competitive boat race on the Detroit River. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day, they were as ready as they could be.
The Japanese team won by a mile.
Afterwards, the American team became discouraged by the loss and their morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A Continuous Measurable Improvement Team of Executives was set up to investigate the problem and to recommend appropriate corrective action.
Their conclusion: The problem was that the Japanese team had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, whereas the American team had 1 person rowing and 8 people steering. The American Corporate Steering Committee immediately hired a consulting firm to do a study on the management structure.
After some time and billions of dollars, the consulting firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough rowing. To prevent losing to the Japanese again next year, the management structure was changed to 4 Steering Managers, 3 Area Steering Managers, and 1 Staff Steering Manager and a new performance system for the person rowing the boat to give more incentive to work harder and become a six sigma performer. We must give him empowerment and enrichment. That ought to do it.
The next year the Japanese team won by two miles.
The American Corporation laid off the rower for poor performance, sold all of the paddles, cancelled all capital investments for new equipment, halted development of a new canoe, awarded high performance awards to the consulting firm, and distributed the money saved as bonuses to the senior executives.