Dos compadres quieren llegar hasta el último piso de un edificio. Adentro del elevador los compadres miran a un negrote grandote todo sudado que se encargaba de operar el elevador.Lo peor del caso es que los compadres eran unos mexicanos bajados de la sierra a tamborazos y chanclazos (con suela marca Firestone) que se soprendieron al ver a la gente entrar y salir del elevador.
Uno de los compadres, asustado, le dice al otro: Mira güey, entran 2 personas y salen 4, no manchis mejor me voy por las escaleras.
El otro compadre le dice: No te asustes, compa, no creo que nada malo pase.
Asà que los compadres se llenaron de valor y entraron al elevador. Cuando los compadres estaban dentro del elevador, lo primero que el negro les pregunta es: ¿A cual piso?
Uno de los compadres mira la puerta cerrarse y le dice al otro: Ya ves güey te dije, ni que fueramos gallinas.
Y ese mismo compadre le contesta al negro:
¡A mi compadre primero!
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
This couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon, and are watching the auctioning off of bulls.
The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off:
A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year.
The wife nudges her husband in the ribs, and comments,
See! That was more than 5 times a month!
The second bull is to be sold: Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year.
Again the wife bugs her husband, Hey, thats some 10 times a month.
What do YOU say to that?!
Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison.
The third bull is up for sale: And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 360 times last year!
The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells,
Thats once a day, every day of the year! How about YOU?!
The husband was pretty irritated by now, and yells back, Sure, once a day!
But ask the announcer if they were all with the same fat cow!!
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Frances!
Frances who?
Frances hello!
Posted in Knock-knock |
What kind of bunny drinks coffee?
Mugs bunny!
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Brian Roberts and I wrote these in a moment (hour?) of boredom.
one with nintendo
halcyon symbiosis
hand thinks for itself
cold matsushita
their technology stronger
enslaves our people
midori ito
girl finds glory, is broken
they can rebuild her
honda seatcovers
winter warm and summer cool
little lambs no more
the sand remembers
once there was beach and sunshine
but chip is warm too
oh no godzilla
guns and planes cannot stop him
tokyo is ablaze
samurai fighter
keyboard and mouse are his sword
digital battles
DAT arrives
frequency notch treachery
people are not fooled
young Sony worker
innocent hands build Walkman
tears run down faces
Posted in Foul Language |
Whats easier to make: a snowman or a snowwoman?
A snowman is easier to make, cause with a snowwoman you have to hollow out the head and pack all that extra snow into balls to make her breasts!
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Two
old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a
smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled
out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette,
and continued smoking.
Lady 1: "Whats that?"
Lady 2: "A condom. This way my cigarette doesnt
get wet."
Lady 1: "Where did you get it?"
Lady 2: "You can get them at any drugstore."
The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local
drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she
wants a box of condoms. The guy, obviously embarrassed,
looks at her strangely (she is, after all, over 80
years old), but very delicately asks what brand she
prefers.
"Doesnt matter son, as long as it fits a Camel."
The pharmacist fainted
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Law of Selective Gravity:
An object will fall so as to do the most damage.Jennings Corollary:
The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Here is a joke from the March issue of Playboy:
[Ed: But they didnt write it.]
An infamous stud with a long list of conquests walked into his neighborhood
bar and ordered a drink. The bartender thought he looked worried and
asked him if anything was wrong.
Im scared out of my mind, the stud replied. Some pissed-off husband
wrote to me and said hed kill me if I didnt stop fucking his wife.
So stop, the barkeep said.
I cant, the womanizer replied, taking a long swill. The prick didnt
sign his name!
Posted in Foul Language |
She whispers to the waiter, Please kill me.
All she talks about is how great it is working for Heidi Fleiss.
You catch her giving her phone number to the guy cleaning your windshield.
She lunges at you several times with a steak knife.
She keeps calling you Bachelor Number Two.
Whoa! Is it 8:15 already?
She transitions the conversation by saying Ive said enough about me. What do you think about me?
Posted in General / Unsorted |