¿Qué animal pesa 700 kilos por la mañana, 300 al mediodÃa y 7 en la noche?
La mujer, porque al levantarse su marido le dice apartate vaca, al medio dÃa le dice vamos a ver que hizo la cerda de mi mujer de almuerzo y por la noche no para de decir ven acá conejito.
46. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesnt work.
47. Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species of flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh happily, exclaim Youre such a marvel!!, and kiss the screen. Repeat this after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, then the computer assistant, and walk out.
48. Run into the computer lab, shout Armageddon is here!!!!!, then calmly sit down and begin to type.
49. Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker chainsaw, rev that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest person and say, Give me that computer or youll be feeding my pet crocodile for the next week.
50. Two words: Tesla Coil.
Q: How many waitresses does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. Two to stand around complaining about it and one to go get the manager.
There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market.
A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied
that he did not need a whole head, but only half a head.
The boy said he would ask his manager about the matter.
The boy walked into the back room and said, There is some arsehole out there who wants to buy only a half-head of lettuce.
As he was finishing saying this he turned around to find the mall standing right behind him, so he added, and this gentleman wants to buy the other.
The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way.
Later the manager called on the boy and said, You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?
The boy replied, Canada sir.
Oh really? Why did you leave Canada? asked the manager.
The boy replied, Theyre all just whores and hockey players up there.
The manager said, My wife is from Canada.
And the boy replied, Really. What team did she play for?
Parkinsons Laws: First Law – Work expands to fill the time available for its completion. Second Law – Expenditures rise to meet income. Fourth Law – The number of people in any working group tends to increase regardless of the amount of work to be done. Law of Committees – The amount of time spent by a committee on an agenda item is inversely proportional to the cost of the item. Fifth Law – If there is a way to delay in important decision, the good bureaucracy, public or private, will find it. Sixth Law – Action expands to fill the void created by human failure.
if Monica Lewinsky opened a barber shop, would it be
called the Cut & Blow?
If the President were a woman, this scandal never would have happened,
because women always keep a box of kleenex on their desks.
– Patrice North-Rudin
Perri-air
Skirts are better ventillated, making you more comfortable, and possibly less prone to infertility and impotence.
No more caught zippers (or things caught painfully in zippers).
You have a better choice of colours, styles, and fabrics with skirts,
So much more convenient for making love in the open air
No more trousers getting caught in your bicycle chain; throw those trouser clips away!
No more white legs when you strip off to swim
You too can learn to double cross your legs like your wife or girlfriend; Give your boss something else to think about while he lectures you about your poor results.
Erections can be more easily disguised under the folds, and more easily acted upon when the moment is right.
Youre a new man feminist? Great! then youll WANT to identify with your female friends/partner(s); learn to share skirts with them; go on buying expeditions together; no need to stop at the door of the underwear department either!
Beat that prejudice at work where men in suits only listen to other men in suits; now men and women in skirts will listen to other men and women in skirts.
Men! Dont be a prisoner of modern macho!
Do what men did for thousands of years before trousers were invented – go out and wear a skirt today!
Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other had a Chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street, the guy with the Doberman said to his friend, Lets go over to that bar and get something to drink. The guy with the Chihuahua said, We cant go in there. Weve got dogs with us.
The one with the Doberman said, Just follow my lead. They walked over to the bar and the guy with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the bar. The bouncer at the door said, Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed.
The man with the Doberman said, You dont understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog. The bouncer said, A Doberman pinscher? The man said, Yes, theyre using them now. Theyre very good. The bouncer said, OK then, come on in. The buddy with the Chihuahua figured hed try it too so he put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the bar. He knew his story would be a bit more unbelievable. Once again the bouncer said,
Sorry, pal, no pets allowed. The man with the Chihuahua said, You dont understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog.
The bouncer said, A Chihuahua? The man with the Chihuahua said, A Chihuahua?!? A Chihuahua?!? They gave me a damn Chihuahua???