After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each others throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw.
When they arrived at the counselors office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion.
What seems to be the problem?
The wife began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage.
After 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat there speechless.
He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened. The counselor spoke to the husband, Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!
The husband scratched his head and replied…
I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Posted in General / Unsorted |
A priest, a Buddhist and a rabbi are discussing what each would like to be said at their funeral.
The priest said that he would like someone to say, There is a man who followed the path of Jesus.
The buddist said that he would like someone to say, There is a man who strived for enlightenment.
The rabbi said that he would like somone to say, LOOK! Hes moving!
Posted in General / Unsorted |
With all the comments made about the line Youre no Jack Kennedy made
regarding Dan Quayle, my mom thought up a comeback for him.
When someone says that to him, he can say…
At least I got to keep my Marilyn!
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
A: Gee, Are you sure its mine?
Posted in Blonde |
Q: Why is a violinist like a Scud missile?
A: Both are offensive and inaccurate.
Posted in Music |
On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?
To which the farmer replied: Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!
Posted in Police |
Llega un tipo con un amigo: Oye, fÃjate que tengo unas amigas que están super y quieren divertirse un rato este fin de semana. Necesito que me prestes tu apartamento para impresionarlas.
Claro, no hay problema, te dejo las llaves, total este fin de semana me voy a ver a mis padres. ¿Cuántas son?
Son tres, a ver cómo le hago…
Mira, tengo unas pastillas que me recomendaron para estos casos, pero con cuidado, sólo toma la mitad de una.
Llega el fin de semana y mientras el tipo está esperando a las chavas recuerda el consejo de su amigo y ve el frasco de las pastillas y piensa: Pero son tres… mejor me tomo una completa… bueno otra… bueno otras dos…
Ya el lunes, el dueño del apartamento llega, abre la puerta y ve el sofá destrozado, la mesa de cristal hecha pedazitos, los floreros tirados, la alfombra desgarrada. Pasa a la recámara y ve sábanas rotas, ropa hecha trozos, la cama con los resortes fuera… y en un rincón ve a su amigo todo tembloroso y le pregunta:
¿Que pasó?
¡No llegaron!
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
Un tipo con una beldad de mujer entra en un restaurante de lujo.
¿Qué tomarán los señores?, pregunta ceremonioso el mesero.
A mà tráigame caviar relleno de faisán y una botella de champán Viuda de Cri-Cri.
Excelente decisión! ¿Y a su señora?
¡A ella mándele un fax y dÃgale que me la estoy pasando de poca madre!
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
Two boys are playing football in the Golden Gate Park when one is attacked by a Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dogs collar and twists, breaking the dogs neck.
A reporter who is strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. Forty Niners fan saves friend from vicious animal, he starts writing in his notebook.
But Im not a Niners fan, the boy replies.
Oakland Raiders fan rescues friend from horrific attack, says the reporter as he writes in his notebook.
Im not a Raiders fan either, the boy says.
Then what are you? the reporter asks
Im a Cowboys fan!!! the boy says proudly.
The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, Redneck bastard kills family pet!
Posted in General / Unsorted |
There once was a man from woy woy who had a specch inparment.
One day he walked in to a bakery and asked for a bum,the lady reapeated do you mean a bun sir yeths. He then went to the hard ware store and asked for a fukkit,the man then reapeated do you mean a bucket yeths i do.procedding down the street he went in to the pet store and said may i please have a cockanspankit please the little old lady then reapeatd do you mean a cockaspanial yeths.On his way home his dog ran away he then said to a lady may you plethse hold myyy bum and fukkit while i go get my cockinspankit!
Posted in Foul Language |