And they brought to Jesus the woman caught in adultery and said This woman has just been caught committing adultery. The law of Moses says she should be stoned to death. What do You say?
And Jesus said to them: Let ye who art without sin cast the first stone. Then he turned and began to write in the sand.
A huge rock flew out of the crowd and hit the poor woman in the head.
Jesus turned and said: Mother!
One day George W. Bush and Dick Cheney walk into a diner. A waitress walks up to them and asks if she can take their order. Bush leans close to her and says, Honey, can I have a quickie?The waitress is appalled and yells at the President about womens rights and storms away.Cheney then says to Bush, George, its pronounced quiche.
Q: How many young macrobiotics does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They all sit in a circle, watching the old macrobiotics, and think beautiful thoughts.
Unos monjes se encontraban recluÃdos en el monasterio, y tanto era el tiempo que llevaban sin follar, que decidieron compincharse con las monjas del convento que estaba pegado al suyo, y que también estaban bastante cachondas. De esta forma, se les ocurrió perforar unos agujeros en la pared en las capillas que solo estaban separadas por un tabique, de manera que a la hora de bajar a rezar pudieran realizar los actos sexuales.
A partir de entonces cada vez que sonaban las campanas para ir a rezar monjes y monjas se pegaban a la pared para echar un buen polvo. Ante el poco interés que mostraban los monjes al rezar y taras haber encontrado restos de semén en la pared, el padre superior decidió instalar unas gillotinas en los agujeros y asi cada vez que un monje metiera la polla para follar se quedaria sin miembro para siempre.
Transcurrida una semana el padre superior reunió a todos los monjes en el comedor para ver cuantos de los monjes habÃan quebrantado los votos sagrados. Puso a todos en fila e hizo que se subieran la sotana para ver si tenÃan o no pene. Cual fue su sorpresa al descubrir que todos los monjes ya no tenÃan pene excepto el último de la fila al que le preguntó:
¿Y tú cómo es que aún tienes pene?
A lo que éste le contestó:
Ezque do metia da dengua.
One of the matrons of the church was cooking a pot of her famous beans for the church potluck dinner, and her son, Little Johnny, came running through the house, BB gun in one hand, and a handful of BBs in the other.
He tripped and the BBs, naturally, went right into the pot of beans. Thinking it over, Little Johnny could think of no reason why he should risk punishment, so he said nothing.
The dinner went well, and, as usual, the beans were one of the favorite dishes.
The next day, the church secretary, Mary, called Little Johnnys mother and said, Jane, your beans were delicious as usual, but what did you put in them this time?
Jane replied, Nothing new, why do you ask?
Well, said Mary, this morning I bent over to feed the cat and I shot the canary.
Captain Pennys Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Cant Fool Mom.
Youre so poor you cant afford a boner.
>From the movie Predator
I told my girlfriend I wanted a little cunt.
She said, Me too, mines as big as a house.
User: I want some answers.
Administrator: You want answers?
User: I think Im entitled to them.
Administrator: You want answers?
User: I want the truth!
Administrator: You cant handle the truth!
We live in a world that has Computers, and those Computers have to be
connected by people with a clue.
Whos gonna do it? You?
You users make me sick. I have a greater responsibility than you can
possibly fathom.
You weep for your email and you curse the local administrator.
You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that
this network, while screwed up, and confusing to you, probably saved time.
And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves time.
You dont want the truth, because deep down, in places you dont talk about
at parties, you want us in this office.
You need us in this office.
We use words like DNS, LDAP, and SCRIPTS…we use these words as the
backbone to a life spent playing with computers. You use em as a reason to
whine.
I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a person
who surfs and emails under the blanket of the very network I provide, and
then questions the manner in which I provide it!
Id rather you just said thank you and went on your way.
Otherwise, I suggest you pickup a mouse and design your own network. Either
way, I dont give a damn what you think youre entitled to!
User: Did you shutdown my email?
Administrator: You dont want to know.
User: Did you shutdown my file server?
Administrator: You dont want to know.
User: Did you shutdown my internet access?
Administrator: Youre damn right I did!!!
Three employees of NOSC (an engineer, a physicist and a mathematician) are staying in a hotel while attending a technical seminar.
The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills a trashcan from his room with water and douses the fire. He goes back to bed.
Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and after calculating the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc. extinguishes the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed.
Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the hall, sees the fire and then the fire hose. He thinks for a moment and then exclaims, Ah, a solution exists! and then goes back to bed.