Old and New Jokes

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

What was the last thing they gave to Elmo before he left the factory?

2 testtickles!

Dear Dr. Science,

Why do male dogs furiously kick up grass and dirt with their hind legs after using the bathroom?

— Keith Henry, Sylva, NC

Theyre angry that they dont have access to a real bathroom and theyre showing their displeasure. Not that dogs enjoy bathing, no, they just want to have a chance to sit on the porcelain throne and read the morning paper the way the rest of us do.

There are many other things that dogs are angry about and a myriad of ways in which they vent these negative feelings.

Biting the mailman is a common one. So is chewing shoes and making toll calls to the psychic hotline when no one else is at home.

An unsupervised dog is an accident waiting to happen.

(from Dr. Science this week)

George W. Bush ran into Colin Powells office exclaiming, "Dick Cheney hanged himselfin his bathroom!" Colin Powell says "Oh, No! Did you cut him down?" "Cut him down?" asks George W. "How could I cut him down? He wasnt dead yet!"

why did the elephant where the diaper to the party?

cuz hes a party pooper!

I want my bedroom painted sky-blue pink.

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they
decide to go to the girls place.

A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his
hands. He then takes off his pants and washes his hands.

The girl watches him and says, You must be a dentist!

The guy, surprised, asks, Yes… how did you figure that out?

The girl says, Easy; you keep washing your hands.

One thing leads to another and they make love. After they are done,
the girl says, You must be a great dentist.

The guy, now with a boosted ego, says, Yes, I sure am a great
dentist. How did you figure that one out?

The girl says, Easy; I didnt feel a thing!

One day a lady was driving on the Highway. She frequently checked her speed gauge to make sure she stayed within the speed limit. However, when she looked into her rear mirror, much to her dismay, she saw a police car not far behind! And, to make matters worse, the police car turned on his flashing lights. She thought to herself, Uh-oh, what have I done now? Im not speeding. Im not drinking. I have my seat belt on! I have kept up my license dues and everything!So, she pulled over and the police car pulled over to the side right behind her car. She drove her car slowly to a stop, slowly rolled down the window, and prepared for a ticket when she knew she didnt deserve it. A policeman walked up to her window, and spoke to her. The lady pointed to her ear and shook her head, meaning she was deaf. The policeman smiled slightly, and knowing sign language, signed back, I know. Im here to tell you that your horn is stuck.

Why are men like diapers?

They are always on my ass and full of shit – thank goodness theyre disposable!

one day a new bar called the ladys legs opened for the first day a guy walked up and the bouncer goes woah woah woah you cant come in here yet u have to wait out side so he went and waited out side then the police oficer comes over to him and goes what are u doing out her and the man replied waiting for the ladies legs to open so i can get a drink