The Boss has just chewed you out for no reason at all, you are looking to revenge yourself, do you:

Hide his coffee mug in an unusual place each morning.
Create a cache of pornographic images and arrange for them to be found on his computer (with accompanying history file and bookmarks).
Curse him loudly in the name of Zoroaster, knock him down and insert an apricot colored miniature poodle into his rectum.

A speeding driver weaves through traffic, cutting you off. He then flips you the bird for no reason:

Note his license plate number and report his driving skills to the local constabulary.
Beep your horn and give him the finger twice, once for him and once for the horse he rode in on.
Follow him home, impregnate his wife, daughter and goldfish, slash his tires then kick him in the lug nuts.

A pair of religious cretins arrive at your doorstep, determined to help you find salvation:

Kindly thank them for their time, give them cookies and then send them on their way.
Slam the door in their faces.
Slam the door on their faces until their features are unrecognizable.

A coworker corners you over lunch and starts loudly berating you for eating meat:

Weather it kindly.
Tell he/she/it to mind their own business.
Ask if they want seconds, whip out your penis, condiments and a hot-dog bun.

A coworker is sporting an obvious toupee:

Dont mention it.
Allude to the presence of road-kill on his head.
Rip it from his scalp and then ask how the Mr. Clean audition went.

Men only

Your SO asks you if she has gained weight:

I love you just the way you are. (wimpy, but safe)
A little, but it looks good on you.
An old boyfriend named Ahab just called…

Women Only

Your SO asks if he is the best lover youve ever had:

Yes you are.
You are certainly in the running.
If you ever manage to get it up, Ill tell you.

Scoring:

4 or less – you are cheating, or mathematically inept.

5-12 You have a hope of being subtle, but will probably die from hypertension.

12-16 A reasonable balance.

17 or above: You are about as subtle as a fart in a bathysphere.

Best Wishes,

The (hardly subtle) Reverend Shayne Dark

(c) 1999