Ten most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations and some matching replies.

At the movies:When you meet acquaintances/friends …

Q: Hey, what are you doing here?

A: Well, its so hot, there were no cool cabs so I thought Id watch some advertisements in the cool comfort of the theatre.

In the bus: A fat girl wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet …

Q: Sorry, did that hurt?

A: No, not at all, Im on local anesthesia … Why dont you try again or should I try this time?

At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask …

Q: Why, why him, of all people?

A: Why? Would it rather have been you?

At a restaurant:When you ask the waiter …

Q: Is the blah blah blah dish good?

A: No, its teribble and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit into it …

At a family get-together.When some distant aunt meets you after years …

Q: Munna, Chickoo, youve become so big …

A: Well you havent particularly shrunk yourself.

When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask …

Q: Is the guy youre marrying good?

A: No, hes a miserable wife-beating, insensitive clout … its just the money.

When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call …

Q: Sorry. were you sleeping.

A: No. I was playing cricket for India at Sharjah and just when you called Salim Malik was betting with me that Pakistan would win. What do you think?

When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair …

Q: Hey have you had a haircut?

A: No, its autumn and Im shedding …

At the dentist when hes sticking pointed objects in your mouth …

Q: Tell me if it hurts?

A: And while Im telling you, you tell me if I bite.

You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks …

Q: Oh, so you smoke!

A: No, its a miracle … it was a chalk and now its in flames!!!