Ms. Nice Gal – Tickets to the boxing match? Oh darling, you shouldnt have.

Also Known As: What a Girl, Precious, One of the Boys, Doormat

Advantages: Cheerful, Agreeable, Kindly

Disadvantages: May wise up someday.

Old Yeller – You spineless good-for-nothing no- talent SOB! Cant you see youre making me miserable?

Also Known As: She-Devil, Sourpuss, The Nag, My Old Lady

Advantages: Pays attention to you.

Disadvantages: Screeches, Throws frying pans

Sickly – Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps.

Also Known As: Whiner, Mewler, Grumpy

Advantages: Predictable

Disadvantages: Contagious

The Boss – Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Dont give me that look.

Also Known As: Whipcracker, Sergeant, Ms. Know-it-All, Ball and Chain

Advantages: Often right

Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?

Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied – I just cant decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, or hair colour?

Also Known As: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw Cmon Honey

Advantages: Easily soothed

Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed

Wild Woman – Ive got an idea. Lets get drunk and make love on the front lawn. Ive done it before. Its fun!

Also Known As: Fast Girl, Freewheeler, Unconscious

Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys.

Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs

Huffy – I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at

Also Known As: No Fun, Humorless, Cold Fish, Iceberg, Snarly

Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you.

Disadvantages: You will have no friends.

Woman from Mars – I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship

Also Known As: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic

Advantages: Entertaining, Unfathomable

Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud.

Ms. Dreamgirl – I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I want to make love to you like a crazed weasel.

Also Known As: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, The One

Advantages: Funny, Intelligent, Uninhibited

Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you.