People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the f*** is yours? Do we point at our crotch when we ask where the toilet is?

People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

When people say, Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too. Piss off. What good is a goddamn cake if you cant eat it?

When people say, Its always in the last place youd look. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after youve found it? Do some people do this? Who and where are they?

When people say, while watching a movie, Did you see that? No, shit-for-brains, I paid $15 to come to the cinema and stare at the f***ing ceiling up there. What did you come here for?

People who ask, Can I ask you a question? dont really give you a choice, do they?

When something is new and improved – which is it? If its new, then there has never been anything before it. If its an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going, say: You should know, arse hole, you pulled me over.