The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no genitals.

When something is new and improved, which is it? If its new, then there has never been anything before it. If its an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

People who are willing to get off their ass to search the room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

When people say Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too. Fuck off. What good is a goddamn cake you cant eat? What, should I eat someone elses cake instead?

When people say Its always in the last place you look. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after youve found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

When people say, while watching a movie Did you see that? No dicknose, I paid $8.50 to come to the theatre and stare at that thing over there. What did you come here for?

The radio ad Hi, Im Jeff Healey from the Jeff Healey Band. Dont drink and drive. I dont. Well, I hope you dont drive sober either Mr. Healey. Youre blind for gods sake!

People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didnt really give mea choice, did ya there buddy?

People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?