Stolen from Secular Humanist News (newsletter of the Humanists and Freethinkers of Ga.) and slightly modified to my tastes:

They dont force beer on minors too young to think for themselves
Beer doesnt tell you how or with whom to have sex
No one will kill you for not drinking Beer
Beer has never caused a major war
Nobodys ever been hung, burned at the stake, or tortured for choosing the wrong brand of Beer
When you have a Beer, you dont go knocking on other peoples doors trying to give it away
There are laws saying Beer labels cant lie to you
If youve devoted your life to Beer, there are groups who will help you stop
You can prove you have a Beer
You dont have to wait 2,000 years for a second Beer