Twas the night before Chirstmas

And all through the house

Everybody felt crappy

Even the mouse,

Mom at the whorehouse

And dad smoking grass

Id just settled down

For a nice piece of Ass,

When out on the lawn

I heard such a clatter

I sprung from my piece

To see what was the matter,

Then out on the lawn

I saw a big d***

I knew in a moment

It must be Saint Nick,

He came down the chimney

Like a bat out of hell

I knew in a moment

The sucker had fell,

He filled all our stockings

With pretzels and beer

And a big rubber d***

For my brother the queer,

He rose up the chimney

With a thunderous fart

The son of B****

Blew the chimney apart,

He swore and he cursed

As he road out of sight

Piss on you all

And have a Hell of a Night!