Yes = No

No = Yes

Maybe = No

Im sorry. = Youll be sorry.

We need… = I want

Its your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

Do what you want… = You�ll pay for this later.

We need to talk… = I need to complain.

Sure…go ahead = I dont want you to.

Im not upset = Of course Im upset, you moron!

Youre so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

Youre certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.

I want new curtains = …and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper…..

Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me? = Im going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me? = I did something today youre really not going to like.

Ill be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.

Am I fat? = Tell me Im beautiful.

You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.

Are you listening to me!? = Too late, youre dead.

Was that the baby? = Why dont you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

Im not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

In response to Whats wrong?: The same old thing = Nothing

Nothing = Everything

Nothing, really = Its just that youre such an idiot!