Youre a wanker

Two builders are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.

The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit.

Chris: I reckon hes an accountant.

James: ‘No way – hes a stockbroker.

Chris: ‘Hes no stockbroker. A stockbroker wouldnt come in here.

The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Chris and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet, he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder.

Chris: Scuse me.. . no offence meant, but me and my mate were wondering what you do for a living.

Suit: ‘No offence taken. Im a logical scientist by profession.

Chris: Yeah, so whats that then.

Suit: Ill try to explain by example. Do you have a goldfish at home?’

Chris: Er. . . mmm. . . well yeah, I do as it happens.

Suit: Well, its logical to assume that you keep it in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?

Chris: Its in a pond

Suit: Well then, its logical to suppose that you have a large garden then?

Chris: As it happens, yes I have got a big garden.

Suit: Well then, its logical to assume that in this town if you have a large garden then you have a large house?

Chris: ‘As it happens Ive got a five-bedroom house. . . built it myself.

Suit: well, given that youve built a five-bedroom house it is logical to assume that you havent built it just for yourself and that youre probably married.

Chris: Yes, I am married. I live with my wife and three children.

Suit: Well then, its logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis.

Chris: Yep! Four nights a week.

Suit: Well then, it is logical to suggest that you do not masturbate very often?

Chris: ‘Me? Never!

Suit: Well, there you are, thats logical science at work.

Chris: Hows that then?

Suit: From finding out that you had a goldfish. Ive told you about the size of the garden you have, the size of house, your family and your sex life.

Chris: I ,see. Thats pretty impressive… thanks mate.

Both leave the toilet and Chris returns to his mate.

James: I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?

Chris: Yep! Hes a logical scientist.

James: Whats that then?

Chris: Ill try to explain. Do you have a goldfish?

James: Hope.

Chris: Well then, youre a wanker.

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