I heard this one today from Steinar Hoistad, Director of European
Operations UNIX International, at the UI Road show.

A colleague was invited to hold a speech in Japan.
Aware of his reputation as a very good speaker, he was surprised that
his audience did not react at all to any of his perfectly timed jokes
and witticisms. In fact, the audience did not react to anything he
said. Somewhat put down, he went back to his seat and a Japanese
gentleman appeared on the stage. This man had a terrific success!
People laughed and applauded, and although the original speaker could not
understand one bit of what was said. Still he started to applaud, as
the man evidently deserved praise for this perfect speech.

However, he was interrupted by the chairman of the conference:
No no, sir. You must not applaud!

Dumbfounded he protested:
But why? This man is obviously a very good speaker.

No sir, you must not applaud, he is translating your speech.

Dear friends:

Thought youd like to hear the latest from our family. Well, here goes.

Weve all been flossing regularly.

The newspaper landed in the bushes twice, but we got it out, thank goodness dad has those long arms.

They put a new gas station on the corner. Its the self-serve kind so theres been a lot of talk around town about it.

The other night we took the whole family to the pancake house for dinner. We all had pancakes except for mom. She had a waffle. Shes a free spirt, you know.

Were saving up to buy a goldfish and can hardly wait. Pets are very exciting. And if not, you can flush them down the toliet.

Our kid finished his milk today. No one noticed were using margarine instead of butter.

Its pretty cloudy here. Sometimes we watch tv. Other times we dont.

We may go shopping this weekend at the mall. There are forty-one stores there. So far weve been to twenty-eight. Thirteen to go. Unless they build more. They probably will. They always do.

Thats about it for the big news.

Its been some heck of a year. How about you?

Love and all

A man walked into a lawyers office and inquired about the rates.

“Fifty dollars for three questions, ” replied the lawyer.

“Isnt that awfully steep?” asked the man.

“Yes,” the lawyer replied, “and what was your third question?”

A few weeks before Christmas a very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made Tickle Me Elmo dolls.

It was Friday and almost quitting time and hurriedly the boss told her to report for work on Monday. He quickly explained to her she would be stationed on the assembly line just before the dolls were packed into boxes.

On Monday they started up the line and within twenty minutes had to shut it down because one worker couldnt keep up. The boss went down the line to find the problem. The new employee was very busy trying to do her part, but she had a bunch of dolls waiting for her. Closer examination showed she was sewing little cloth bags containing two walnuts in the appropriate place on the dolls.

The boss could not control his laughter and said, Lady, I said to give each doll Two —- Test —- Tickles.

Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was
called into the personnel directors office.

What is the meaning of this? the director asked. When you
applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience.
Now we discovered this is the first job youve ever held.

Well, the young man replied, in your advertisement you
said you wanted somebody with imagination.

If the Clintons divorce before 1996, who will get the house?

Q: How many Aquarians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: A hundred, but theyll all be competing to be the one to change the bulb and bring light to the world.

Alegre: se ríe de estupideces.

Alfabético: es estúpido con todas las letras.

Ambicioso: sueña algún día llegar a ser muy estúpido.

Amigable: todos sus amigos también son estúpidos.

Añejo: con el tiempo se vuelve más estúpido.

Aplastado: estupidazo.

Aplicado: se aplica a ser cada vez más estúpido.

Asalariado: le pagan para que haga estupideces.

Benvenutto: es un estúpido familiar.

Botánico: es una flor de estúpido.

Campana: es TAN, TAN, TAN estúpido.

Campeón: nadie le gana a la hora de hacer estupideces.

Católico: es un reverendo estúpido.

Ciego: todos ven sus estupideces, menos él.

Conocido: es el mismo estúpido de siempre.

Consciente: sabe que es un estúpido.

Convicto: lo condenaron por estúpido.

Creyente: cree todas las estupideces que escucha.

Cheto: siempre está a la última (estúpida) moda.

Cholulo: se sabe todas las estupideces de la actualidad.

De referencia: el que se usa para explicar dónde queda algo: Allá, donde está parado aquel estúpido.

Demagogo: cree que el pueblo es estúpido.

Desconocido: aquel cuyo nombre no puede uno recordar: ¿Cómo se llamaba ese estúpido?

Desinteresado: dice estupideces sin esperar nada a cambio.

Diabólico: es un estúpido infernal.

Disfrazado: es más estúpido de lo que aparenta.

Ecológico: es estúpido por naturaleza.

Enamoradizo: le gusta cualquier estúpida.

Enano: es medio estúpido.

Enciclopédico: sabe un montón de estupideces.

Esférico: estúpido por cualquier lado que se lo mire.

Esperanzado: cree que lo que tiene de estúpido se le va a quitar.

Estufa: se calienta por cualquier estupidez.

Expiatorio: es tan estúpido que a veces resulta útil.

Filósofo: se pregunta el por qué de sus estupideces.

Fosforescente: hasta en la oscuridad se nota lo estúpido que es.

Frankestein: es tan estúpido que asusta.

Hiperactivo: hace una estupidez tras otra.

Honesto: no se hace el estúpido, ES estúpido.

Ignorante: todos saben que es estúpido, menos él.

Imponente: se destaca y asombra su estupidez.

Impredecible: no se sabe con qué estupidez te va a salir.

Inasistente: el estúpido que faltaba.

Incapaz: hasta las estupideces le salen mal.

Incubadora: es estúpido de nacimiento.

Inédito: ni él sabe que es estúpido.

Insatisfecho: no le alcanza el día para ser estúpido.

Insistente: comete la misma estupidez varias veces.

Internacional: es un estúpido sin fronteras.

Introvertido: no le cuenta a nadie sus estupideces.

Irresponsable: no le importa ser estúpido.

Jeroglífico: es tan estúpido que nadie lo entiende.

Laborioso: se pasa todo el día haciendo estupideces.

Látex: además de estúpido, es un forro.

Líder: es tan estúpido que los demás lo siguen.

Líquido: lo toman por estúpido.

Literario: escribe un montón de estupideces.

Lungo: es altamente estúpido.

Monotemático: hace siempre la misma estupidez.

Musical: es el estúpido que siempre da la nota.

Obelisco: es el monumento al estúpido.

Ocioso: tiene tiempo de leer esta sarta de estupideces.

Ocupado: no es más estúpido porque no tiene tiempo.

Optimista: cree que no es estúpido.

Pesimista: cree que es el único estúpido.

Petulante: se enorgullece de sus estupideces.

Plano: es lisa y llanamente estúpido.

Polifacético: abarca varias clases de estúpido.

Precavido: es estúpido… por las dudas.

Precoz: desde chiquito ya era estúpido.

Preparado: tiene una estupidez para cada ocasión.

Profesional: es tan estúpido que parece que hizo algún curso.

Radiactivo: irradia estupideces por doquier.

Resistente: no se cansa de hacer estupideces.

Sangre azul: hijo y nieto de estúpidos.

Simpático: sus estupideces causan risa.

Sincero: es estúpido y tiene cara de estúpido.

Sonámbulo: hasta dormido hace estupideces.

Tartamudo: es re, re, re, re-estúpido.

Telescópico: desde lejos se nota lo estúpido que es.

Tijera: corta cualquier conversación con sus estupideces.

Tradicional: es estúpido por costumbre.

Utópico: es demasiado estúpido como para ser cierto.

Valiente: es capaz de dar la vida por estupideces.

Xerox: copia las estupideces de los demás.

A police officer arrives at an accident scene where apparently three blondes have leaped to their death from a very tall building.



He suddenly notices that one is still breathing so he approaches her and asks, Why the hell did you three beautiful girls leap out of that building?



The blond answers in a very weak voice, We wanted to try out our new maxi-pads, with wings…

Two old senile men roomed across from one another at a nursing home. Bill fancied himself a race car driver, and one day the nurse heard him making noises and came running to his room.



Bill, what are you doing? she cried. I just got my new Ferrari and Im taking it out for a test drive! Okay, but be careful she said and closed his bedroom door.





The next day Bill was again causing a ruckus and the nurse came to check. Bill, what are you doing? Im driving my new Ferrari to Chicago – vrrrooomm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, but be careful she said and closed his bedroom door.





The next day she heard moaning and groaning from Bobs room across the hall from Bills. She walked in to find Bob furiously masturbating. Bob, what the hell are you doing? Bob looked up and said Im fucking Bills wife while hes in Chicago.