Una viejita y un viejo se conocen en una fiesta que organizó el PAMI para la tercera edad. Luego de charlar un rato, deciden ir a un lugar más tranquilo. Estacionan el auto y hacen el amor. Finalizado el acto y mientras volvían el viejito pensó:

De haber sabido que era virgen hubiera ido a un lugar más cómodo.

La viejita por su lado pensaba:

De haber sabido que se le paraba, me sacaba las pantimedias.

Dos amigas están charlando:

Me he enterado que Pili habla de ti por la espalda.

Vaya, ¿y se le entiende?

IF THEY HAD NOT FOUND SADDAM HUSSAIN THEY


WERE PLANNING ON SPRAYING IRAQ WITH VIAGRA.


THEY WERE SURE THIS WOULD MAKE THE PRICK STAND UP.

HERS:



Pulls off at wrong exit.



opens window



asks directions of a knowledgeable police officer



Arrives at destination presently.



HIS:



Pulls off at wrong exit absolutely positive its the correct one.



Drives five miles into wilderness, still thinks hes right.



Drives an extra 5 miles just in case.



Finally rolls down window just to get fresh air



Pulls up to a 7 -11



Gets three hot-dogs, a large slurpee, and beef jerky



Asks person behind counter how to get back onto the highway.



Gets back into car.



Laughs at the idea of looking at a map as he pulls away from the 7-11.



Drives down a dirt road with no street lights insisting this is the way back because guy from 7-11 said it was.



Almost hits a deer



Curses the night



Curses you



Curses the large slurpee



Drives and fiddles with radio.



Yells at you for suggesting the map again



Admits he didnt want to go to Thanksgiving at your sisters anyway.



He hates your sister.



Ever since she called him a pernicious weasel



He had to look up pernicious.



Couldnt find a dictionary.



Finally found a dictionary



Couldnt spell pernicious.



Seethes at the memory of it all



But she is laughing inside…



And of course youre still lost.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
House!
House who?
House you doing!

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Wes!
Wes who?
Wes Side Story!

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

56. If you get in before your roomate, go to sleep in his/her bed.

My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him!

Q: What is the blondes highest ambition in life?
A: They want to be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!

What do a lawyer and sperm have in common?

They both have a one in a million chance of being human.