Two blondes are driving down the freeway chugging a few beers when they see a road block ahead with police checking for drunk drivers. The blonde in the passenger seat starts to panic and the driver tells her to calm down and do what she does. She then proceeds to quickly chug the last of the beer in her hand, peel the label off, stick the bottle under the seat and stick the label to her forehead. The second blonde follows along. When they arrive at the road block, the officer looks in and is quite surprised by this spectacle and says, Hello ladies. By any chance have you two been drinking tonight? Why no officer, you see, we are on the patch!

Why do they manufacture perfumed bathroom tissue when our noses are on our faces?

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Kit!
Kit who?
Kit me quick!

Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down? A: Two brunettes.

A horny young man went to a brothel…The lady at the counter asked him what his choice would be. The man wanted to know what was available.

Madam, On the first floor, we have the ex-models… they are all slinky and sexy… On the second floor, we have our ex-actresses…they are all buxom and beautiful… On the third floor, we have our ex-teachers….they…

Man, Say no more! Lead me to the third floor.

Madam, Are you sure… Im surprised that you would prefer ex-teachers to ex-models and ex-actresses.

Man, Its obvious, maam, teachers always make you do a thing over and over again, until youre perfect at it.

Why does miss Piggy douche with honey??

Cause Kermit likes sweet and sour pork!! lol

Q: Why cant Hellen Keller drive?

A: Because shes a woman.

A secretary, a paralegal, and a partner in a big law firm are walking through a park on their way to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, I usually only grant three wishes, so Ill give each of you just one.



Me first! Me first! says the secretary. I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world. Poof! Shes gone.



Me next! Me next! says the paralegal. I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life. Poof! Hes gone.



Youre next, the Genie says to the partner. The partner says, I want those two back in the office right after lunch.

Yo mama so ugly E.T. didnt want go out with her.

Bill Clinton, Hillary Ramrod Clinton, Al Gore, and Tipper Gore are flying aboard Air Force 1 on their way to visit the Communists to share their success stories about taxing Americans.

Bill: Why dont I throw this hundred dollar bill out the window and make someone very happy.

Hillary: Well, why dont you throw ten hundred dollar bills out the window and make ten people happy.

Al: Why dont you two jump out the window and make me and Tipper happy.

Tipper: Why dont we all jump out the window and make everybody throughout the United States and world happy.