A man stops into this little backwoods restaurant for lunch, and after finishing his meal he inquires the way to the rest room. Told that its around the back of the building he heads through the back door, finds the outhouse and goes to take a crap, only to discover theres no toilet paper. But there is a sign on the wall that reads, Wipe yourself with your finger, then insert the finger into this hole, and your finger will be cleaned with great attention.So the man, figuring this is just how things are done in these parts, wipes up and sticks his finger through the hole. On the other side is standing a little boy holding a brick in either hand, who claps them together at the sight of the finger poking through. The guy screams in pain, yanks his hand back, and starts sucking on his finger….

Two sisters, a blonde and a brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so they can breed their own stock.
The brunette balances their checkbook, then decides to take their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, If I decide to buy the bull, Ill contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.

The brunette arrives at the mans ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that Ive bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.

The telegraph operator explains that hell be glad to help her, then adds, Its just 99 cents a word.

Well, with only $1 left after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that shell only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, I want you to send her the word, comfortable.

The telegraph operator shakes his head. How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you just write, comfortable?

The brunette explains, My sisters a blonde. Shell read it slowly.

Caught napping at work, school, or church…try this one.

Guaranteed to work!

Just pick your head up real fast and say:

…in JESUS name…AMEN!

(he-he…how can they yell at you for this 🙂

ADDENDUM: For some reason, it wont work in a Synagogue?

Reporter 1: The cult members seem totally brainwashed, and still place their blind faith in a false savior offering hollow promises of salvation!
Reporter 2: And that concludes our report from the Clinton White House.

En plena clase, Pepito pregunta a la profesora:

Maestra, ¿usted sabe qué es una cosa verde, con ocho patas, de tres pulgadas de largo y de aspecto asqueroso?

No sé, Pepito, ¿qué es?

Yo tampoco sé, maestra, pero esta cosa acaba de entrar debajo de su falda.

A woman was having a medical problem – her husband snoring.

So she called the doctor one morning, and asked him if there was anything he could do to relieve her suffering.



Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband, but it is really rather expensive. It will cost $1000 down, and payments of $450 for 24 months, plus payments for extras.



My goodness! the woman exclaimed, sounds like leasing a new sports car!



Humm, the doctor murmured, too obvious, huh?

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Len!
Len who?
Len us a fiver will you!

Indecision is the key to flexibility.

I just hope God grades on a curve.