Thou shalt include a clear and specific subject line.
Thou shalt edit any quoted text down to the minimum thou needest.
Thou shalt read thine own message thrice before thou sendest it.
Thou shalt ponder how thy recipient might react to thy message.
Thou shalt check thy spelling and thy grammar.
Thou shalt not curse, flame, spam or USE ALL CAPS.
Thou shalt not forward any chain letter.
Thou shalt not use e-mail for any illegal or unethical purpose.
Thou shalt not rely on the privacy of e-mail, especially from work.
When in doubt, save thy message overnight and reread it in the light of the dawn.

And, heres the Golden Rule of e-mail:

That which thou findest hateful to receive, sendest thou not unto others.

On that note thouest haveth a good weeketh!

Jessica

http://www.affiliatewindow.com

A guy with leprosy wins tickets to see the world series. But when he gets there, he has trouble finding a seat because pieces of him are

peeling and flaking off, and hes very concerned about grossing out

the other fans.

The leper wanders through the bleachers looking for a seat where his

grotesque appearance wont disturb anyone else. Finally he finds an open seat where he might be able to watch the game. He asks the man

in the adjoining seat if it would be okay to sit there.

The man answers, Yeah. Just sit down, shut up, and watch the game.

The leper sits down and adds, As you can see, I have leprosy. If

it disturbs you, I will move.

It doesnt bother me. Just shut up, and watch the game.

A while later, during the fourth inning, the man suddenly vomits.

Frothy beer, hot dogs, and peanuts are splattered everywhere.

Seeing this, the leper gets up and says, Thank you for allowing

me to sit next to you, but I can see that my appearance has caused

you to get sick. I will find another place to sit.

Its NOT you. Just sit down, shut up, and watch the game.

So the leper sits back down. But during the sixth inning, the man begins to vomit again. This time it is projectile vomitus. A powerful blast of beer and pretzels shoots out from the mans mouth and nose until is stomach is completely emptied.

Seeing this, the leper gets up and says, Thank you for allowing

me to sit next to you, but I can see that my appearance has caused

you to get sick. I will find another place to sit.

Really, its NOT you. Just sit down, shut up, and watch the game.

So the leper sits back down. But during the seventh inning, the man begins to vomit again. This time it is the dry heaves. The leper feels absolutely awful at the sight of this man suffering. And once again, the leper offers to leave.

But the man insists, Really, its NOT you.

So the leper asks, Well if its not me that is making you so sick,

that what is it?

Its that guy behind you. He keeps dipping his nachos in your back.

A guy walks into a bar with his dog. They both go up to the barstool and sit down. The owner orders two beers.

The bartendar just frowns and says, Look buddy, we cant have any dogs sitting up at the bar.

The owner retorts, But this is no ordinary dog. The bartendar doesnt budge from his stance and tells the guy to leave.

The owner protests, Look, this is no ordinary dog. This is a talking dog.

The bartendar says, Yeah right buddy. Okay, why dont you and your talking dog leave the bar?

The owner says, Okay, Ill tell you what. Ill go into the bathroom and take a leak. You can talk to my dog while I go. If you still want us to leave when I get back, we will.

So the owner leaves. And the dog and the bartendar start talking it up like they are long lost friends. The bartendar starts to really like this dog. There talking about sports and beer and women.

So the bartendar comes up with an idea. He turns to the dog and says, Look, I have a friend who owns the bar across the street. If I give you $20 will you go into the bar and order a beer from him? The dog says, No problem, and gets up and leaves.

The owner comes back and ask where his dog is. The bartenday explains about the joke. So the owner leaves to get his dog.

Right out of the bar, the owner sees his dog humping another lady dog. And the owner says, Hey, get off of her. Why have I never seen you doing this before? To which the dog replies, Because I have never had $20 before.

Yo mamas breath is so bad that when she breathes, her teeth duck out of the way.

Yo mama so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.

Gore: (G)reatly (O)riented to (R)adical (E)cology

Q: How many soccer players does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
A: 15 – One to put the bulb in, 10 to kiss him afterwards, and the other sides back four to all stand around and put their hands up.

Un día cualquiera, se levanta un señor, va al baño a lavarse la cara y nota un grano en la frente; lo ignora.

Pasa una semana, un mes, dos meses y el grano no desaparecía, al contrario, iba en aumento. A la hora de la comida, le comenta a su esposa, y ésta le recalca que tiene que acudir al médico. Así lo hace.

Doctor, fíjese que este grano lo tengo desde hace dos meses.

Bien, veamos. Este grano es muy extraño, pero le haremos estudios y para la próxima semana le daremos resultados.

Una semana después, llega el paciente desesperado para saber que pasa.

Pues con pena, pero tengo que decírselo.

¿Qué pasa, doctor, es grave lo que tengo?, pregunta angustiado el hombre.

Mire, a usted le va a salir un pene en la frente.

El tipo, asustado por lo que le sucede, cuestiona:

¡Pero, doctor, me voy a ver muy mal!

No, señor, no se va a poder ver, porque los testículos le taparán los ojos.

Un borracho entra en un bar, se sube en una silla y grita:

¡Ahora yo pago una copa a los que están bailando, los que están en las mesas, en el baño y al cantinero!

El borracho entrega las copas a toda la gente del bar y el cantinero le dice:

Son 3 mil pesos.

Pero yo no tengo ni un peso.

El cantinero se amosca y lo saca a patadas del bar. A la siguiente noche, el mismo borracho vuelve al bar, se sube en una silla y grita:

Ahora yo pago una copa a los que están bailando…

Sí, sí, ya sé, interrumpe el cantinero. A todos los que están en las mesas, en el baño y una para mí.

A ti no, porque te emborrachas y te pones muy violento, le responde enojado el borrachín.

El Ministro del Interior de la República Dominicana acaba de dictar el siguiente decreto:

ARTÍCULO 1

Todas aquellas personas sorprendidas en cines, parques o lugares solitarios, como el mirador, avenidas, etc., haciendo lo que a continuación se describe será presentado ante la autoridad y se multarán con las siguientes tarifas:

La mano en el muslo……………….$20.00

La mano en aquello………………..$30.00

Aquello en la mano…………………$40.00

La boca en aquello…………………$50.00

Aquello fuera de aquello…………$60.00

Aquello en la boca………………….$70.00

Aquello en el cuello………………..$80.00

Aquello detrás de aquello………..$90.00

Aquello dentro de aquello………..$150.00

¿QUÉ ES AQUELLO?

Entre otras cosas se define así:

No es Cristo pero resucita.

No es murciélago pero vive colgando.

No es acordeón pero se estira y se encoge.

No es viejo pero se arruga.

No es niño pero babea.

No es submarino pero se sumerge.

No es árbol de Navidad pero tiene bolas.

No es dulce pero se chupa.

No tiene piernas pero se para.

No es soldado pero ataca por delante y por detrás.

No es atractivo pero le dicen lindo.

No es analgésico pero sirve de calmante.

No es vaca pero da leche.

No es orquesta pero tiene timbales.

No es bombero pero tiene casco.

No piensa pero tiene cabeza.

No pertenece a ningún club pero le dicen miembro.

CONTINUACIÓN DE ¿QUÉ ES AQUELLO?

En Francia le dicen pipita por que anda de boca en boca.

En Cuba le dicen sirviente porque entra por delante y por detrás.

En Inglaterra le dicen caballero porque se para cuando pasa una dama.

En España le dicen telón porque cae cuando acaba la función.

En República Dominicana del 1er año a los ocho le dicen palomito; de los nueve a los catorce le llaman bimbolo; de los quince a los treinta le llaman tolete; a los 51 le llaman y no responde.