CONFIDENTIAL

Dear John:

I know you are always interested in looking for opportunities for investment.

I dont know if you would be interested in this, but I thought I would mention it to you because it could be a real sleeper in making a lot of money with very little investment.

A group of us is considering investing in a large cat ranch near Hermosillo, Mexico. It is our intention to start rather small with about one million cats. Each cat averages about twelve kittens each year; skins can be sold for about twenty cents for the white ones and up to forty cents for the black. This will give us twelve million cat skins per year to sell at an average price of around thirty-two cents, making revenue about $3 million a year. This averages out to about $10 thousand a day excluding Sundays and holidays.

A good Mexican cat man can skin about fifty cats per day at a wage of $3.15 a day. It will take only 633 men to operate the ranch, so the net profit would be over $8,200 per day.

Now, the cats would be fed on rats exclusively. Rats multiply four times faster than cats. We would start a rat ranch adjacent to our cat ranch. If we started with a million rats, we will have four rats per cat per day. The rats will be fed on the carcasses of the cats we skin. This will give each rat a quarter of cat per day. You can see by this that the business is a clean operation, self-supporting, and really automatic throughout. The cats will eat the rats, and the rats will eat the cats, and we will get the skins.

Eventually, it is my hope to cross the cats with snakes because snakes skin themselves twice a year. This will save the labor costs of skinning the cats as well as giving us two skins per cat.

Let me know if you are interested. As you can imagine, Im rather particular whom I want in this deal. And I want the fewest investors possible.

May I hear from you at your earliest convenience.

Very truly yours,

Ray Waters

Do you have an uncle named Jack?
No! why, Well if your uncle Jack was to climb up on the roof would you help your uncle Jack off NO!

A married lady was entertaining the Pizza delivery man in her bedroom when all at once they heard a car door slam. The young man jumped out the window forgetting his clothes and the fact that he was still wearing a condom.

He hid in the bushes wondering how he was ever going to get home when he saw a group of joggers coming down the street. He figures he will just join in and maybe not be noticed.

As he is running along, the man next to him asks, Do you always jog naked? and the young man replied that yes he did.

Then the other gentleman asked Do you always wear a condom?

The young man looked heavenward and replied Looks like rain.

This wad told to me by a librarian. Reference work must be dull at times.

Robin

a. Head for the largest open expanse of urinal available. If you stand too close to someone, they will think that you are gay. If you stand too far away from someone, they will think that you think that they are gay.

b. Three shakes only. Two is unhygienic, four is a wanker.

c. If you fart, say Whooaa, what a ripper!

d. Dont look. Real men never compare sizes.

e. Never use the drying machines or the towels. Walking out with wet hands into the bar looks like the condensation off at least six pitchers.

On a nice, bright sunshiney day, three couples came to visit the local Priest in order to join the Catholic Church. By a strange coincidence, One couple was young, one was old and one was middle-aged.

The Priest told the couples that they could join the church only if they proved they were sincere by first abstaining from sex for one week. The couples all agreed to meet back at the church in one week.

One week later, as promised, the couples all came back and the Priest asked of the Old Couple,

Did you abstain from sex?

The old couple both shook their heads and the Priest said, Fine! Welcome to the Catholic Church!

The Priest then asked the middle-aged couple, Did you abstain from sex?. The Middle Aged woman smiled and said, It was tough, but we made it.

FINE! Welcome to the Catholic Church!

The priest then turned to the young couple and asked, Did you abstain from sex?

The young man of the couple answered, Well, Father … we did really well for about three days, but on the fourth day, *she* bent over to pick up a head of cabbage off the floor and when she did, I noticed that she had no panties on under her dress. I just couldnt help myself! I had to give it to her hard!

The Priest was shocked! WELL, I suppose you realize that I cant let you in the church., he droned.

The young man replied,You think thats bad? We cant even go NEAR Kroger anymore!

A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of
his wife. The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video
of his wifes activities.A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down
together to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional,
the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the two of them
laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor
cafe. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw the man and
his wife participate in a dozen activities with utter glee.I just cant believe this, the distraught husband said.The detective said, Whats not to believe? Its right up there on the
screen!The husband replied, I cant believe that my wife could be so much
fun!

How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, or four, or…No, wait, well have to count them again.

You know your a redneck if you go to a family reunion looking for a girlfriend.

One day in school the teacher is giving the class an English lesson. She asks if anyone can give her a sentence with the word Lovely in it twice.

All of a sudden little Mary jumps up and says that she has a sentence. The teacher is pleased to see her top pupil being so conscienious and asks her to tell the class.

The little girl goes on and says: At the week-end the weather was lovely, so my family and I went out to the countryside and had a lovely picnic.

The teacher was most impressed, and asked if anyone else could make a similar sentence. Then from the back of the class, little Jonny the class rascal, shouted out that he had a sentence. The teacher, in a sympathetic tone of voice, said Oh… alright then Jonny what is _your_ sentence?

Jonny went on to say: Last night my sister came home and said she was pregnant and our dad said, Lovely!!! Fuckin Lovely!!!