Old and New Jokes

Some men in a pickup truck drove to a lumber yard.

One of the men walked into the office and said, We need some four-by-twos.

The clerk asked, You mean two-by-fours, dont you?

The man said, Ill go check, and went back to the truck.

He returned shortly and said, Yeah, I meant two-by-four.

All right. How long do you need them?

The customer paused for a moment and said, Id better go check.

After a while, he returned to the office and said, –

A long time. Were gonna build a house…

Prisoner: Look here, doc! Youve already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of this place!

Doctor: I am, bit by bit!

You might be a redneck if…
You consider a good tan to be the back of of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve…

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Bologna!
Bologna who?
Bologna & cheese!

Did you hear what the men say in a Muslim strip club?

Get your face out for the boys…

An old woman saved a Fairys life. To repay this, the Fairy promised to grant the old woman three wishes.

For the first wish, the old lady asked to become young and beautiful. Poof! She became young and beautiful.

For the second wish, the old lady asked to be richest woman in the world. Poof! She was the richest woman in the world.

For the last wish, she pointed at the cat she had kept for years. She asked that he be turned into the most handsome man on earth. After all, he had been her best friend for so many years. Poof! The Fairy turned the cat into the most handsome man on earth.

The old lady and the Fairy said their goodbyes.

After the Fairy left, the handsome man (old cat) strolled over to her and asked, Now arent you sorry you had me neutered?!!!

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

68. Stare at your roommate for five minutes out of every hour. Dont say anything, just stare.

In Canada there are two Seasons…

six months of winter and six months of poor snowmobiling.

whats yellow and grows on apple trees?

A stupid bananna