One things sure about Clinton–he sure doesnt neglect domestic affairs.

Q: How many rec.humor readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: An infinitely growing number: One to announce that the bulb burned out. Ten to agree. One to change it, one to post in saying I got it, one to post in saying Yes, but they have shots for it nowadays, one to post in saying Our news software hasnt been working and I missed the original lightbulb joke. Would someone please post it again or email it to me ?, one to post in quoting everything so far and the words Me too, two to turn it into a cascade, another ten to build the cascade into a disk-wasting monster, one to post in with I dont get it. Isnt this the place for FUNNY jokes ?, one to post in after two months Whats this lightbulb joke youre all talking about ?, one to repost it a month later thinking its a new joke, one to post I didnt get it. Whats the punchline ?, one to post Has anyone got a list of these? Im starting a list, so please send me all your lightbulb jokes, and one to cross-post the joke to alt.fan.lightbulbs 6 months later prefixed by Are we allowed to tell jokes in here ? and accompanied by all of our old favourites like How many programmers…? None thats a hardware problem., three to ask, a month later, What FTP sites are the old lightbulbs archived at ?, and any number to revive the entire exchange at stochastic intervals of two to six months.

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.

God comes and says,
I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. Also. I want all the women to go with Saint Peter.

With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women were gone and there were two lines. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 160 km long, and in the line of the men who dominated their women, there was only one man.

God got mad and said to the 160-km-long line,
You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and your mates whipped you all. Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him. Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?

And the man replied,
I dont know. My wife told me to stay here.

A blonde walks into a hair dresser with a walkman on. She tells the guy to cut whatever he wants just as long as he cuts around the headphones. So the guy says cool until he runs into a problem, he says Ms.? Ms.? Finally he just takes them off and the blonde drops dead!!

He puts the headphones on and he hears BREATHE IN…..BREATHE OUT…..BREATHE IN…..BREATHE OUT.

A teen-aged boy with spiked hair, nose ring, and baggy clothes was overheard telling a friend, I dont really like to dress like this, but it keeps my parents from dragging me everywhere with them.

During USCs commencement, the President was giving his usual address to the graduating class. While he was giving his address, some people in the back began to chant, Graduate Bubba, graduate Bubba. After a few minutes, the chant grew so loud that the President could no longer continue with his address. He says, Alright, I give up. Bubba, come on up here. This really huge offensive lineman comes up on stage. The President asks, Are you Bubba? Bubba replies quietly, Yes sir.

How long have you been here at USC Bubba?



Six years sir.



Six years and you still havent graduated?



No sir.



Alright Bubba, Ill tell you what. If you can answer one question correctly, Ill graduate you right here on the spot. Is that fair?



Bubba once again says in his quiet voice, Yes sir. So the President then asks him, Ok Bubba, whats nine times nine? Bubba quickly gets to work, counting on his fingers and anything else he finds. After nearly five minutes of counting and recounting Bubba finally says, I got it. The President then asks, So Bubba, whats nine times nine? Eighty-one, replies Bubba. The crowd, in a unanimous roar, begins to chant, GIVE BUBBA ANOTHER CHANCE, GIVE BUBBA ANOTHER CHANCE.

Dont look back, something may be gaining on you.

What happens when an [ethnic] stops paying his garbage bill?

They stop delivering.

There is a whorehouse on a hill. There is one person going to it, one
person leaving from it, and one person inside it. What are there
nationalities?

The man going up is Russian,

The man going away is Finnish,

and the man inside is Himalayan.

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with something bigger and heavier.