Your hair is so black and dirty, you should wash it sometimes.

I heard this joke from my husband.

Q: Honey, would you still love me if I were burned beyond all recognition?

A: Id love you MORE!

It seems a group of leading medical people have published data that indicates that Seder participants should NOT partake of both chopped liver and charoses. It is indicated that this combination can lead to Charoses of the Liver.

A blind man is sitting on a park bench. A Rabbi sits down next to him. The Rabbi is chomping on a piece of matzoh. Taking pity on the blind man, he breaks off a piece and gives it to the blind man. Several minutes later, the blind man turns, taps the Rabbi on the shoulder and asks, Who wrote this?!!

A British Jew is waiting in line to be knighted by the Queen. He is to kneel in front of her and recite a sentence in Latin when she taps him on the shoulders with her sword. However, when his turn comes, he panics in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows in a foreign language, which he remembers from the Passover seder:

Ma nishtana ha layla ha zeh mi kol ha laylot.

Puzzled, Her Majesty turns to her advisor and whispers, Why is this knight different from all other knights?

Q: Why do we have an Haggadah at Passover?


A: So we can Seder right words.

Q: What do you call someone who derives pleasure from the bread of affliction?


A: A matzochist.

This is a little known tale of how G-d came to give the Jews the Ten Commandments.

G-d first went to the Egyptians and asked them if they would like a commandment. Whats a commandment? they asked. Well, its like, THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY, replied G-d. The Egyptians thought about it and then said, No way, that would ruin our weekends.

So then G-d went to the Assyrians and asked them if they would like a commandment. They also asked, Whats a commandment? Well, said G-d, Its like, THOU SHALT NOT STEAL. The Assyrians immediately replied, No way. That would ruin our economy.

So finally G-d went to the Jews and asked them if they wanted a commandment. They asked, How much? G-d said, Theyre free.

The Jews said, Great! Well take TEN!

Moses was sitting in the Egyptian ghetto. Things were terrible. Pharaoh wouldnt even speak to him. The rest of the Israelites were mad at him and making the overseers even more irritable than usual, etc. He was about ready to give up.

Suddenly a booming, sonorous voice spoke from above:

You, Moses, heed me ! I have good news, and bad news.

Moses was staggered. The voice continued:

You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel from bondage. If Pharaoh refuses to release your bonds, I will smite Egypt with a rain of frogs

You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel to the Promised Land. If Pharaoh blocks your way, I will smite Egypt with a plague of Locust.

You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel to freedom and safety. If Pharaohs army pursues you, I will part the waters of the Red Sea to open your path to the Promised Land.

Moses was stunned. He stammered, Thats…. thats fantastic. I cant believe it! — But whats the bad news?

You, Moses, must write the Environmental Impact Statement.

Latest news reports advise that a cell of 4 terrorists have been operating in New Orleans, Louisiana. Police advised earlier today that 3 of the 4 had been detained.

The Police Superintendent stated that the terrorists Bin Sleepin, Bin Drinkin and Bin Fightin have been arrested on immigration issues.

The police advise further that they can find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in the area.

Police are confident that anyone who looks like Workin will be very easy to spot in the community.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Gladys!
Gladys who!
Gladys the weekend, arent you!

Q: What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
A: Crisp Cringle.

En el catecismo, la consejera le pregunta a Pepito:

¿Quién fue la madre de Moisés?

La hija del Faraón, contesta Pepito de inmediato.

Te equivocas, le dice la catequista, ella tan sólo lo encontró en el Nilo, flotando en una canastita y lo adoptó.

¿Usted también se va a creer el cuento que inventó ella?, replica Pepito.

There was this guy who was on airplane, he had to go to the bathroom really bad.. Well everytime he would go to the bathroom someone was always in it.So he finally asked the flight attendant if he could use the ladies room.



She said, well sir Im not sure if that would be a good idea,you see there are buttons in there.



He says ,Oh please please I really have to go and I promise I wont push any buttons.



So she tells him go ahead,just dont push any buttons. So he goes in there hes sitting on the toilet doing his duty. Well he looks over and sees three buttons. One is yellow,one is red and one is green. He pushes the yellow button and out comes water and sprays his behind. He thinks wow that felt good, Ill press the red button.So he pushes the red button and out comes a powder puff and dries him off and powders him.So then he pushes the green button.. He passes out and wakes up in hospital.

He looks up at the flight attendant and she says you pushed the green button didnt you?



He knods.. He said What happened? She said The green button was an Automatic Tampon Remover,your dick is laying under your pillow

Five men were selecter for a survey. They were taken away to a hotel called the goldings. There they found the place covered top to bottom in golden fittnigs and furnishings, the doors were gold , the floor was gold , the roof was gold , the stairs were gold .Every thing in the lobby was gold.



They were shown to there rooms by a maid , she had golden hair , golden dress , golden tights , golden shoes , golden piney and a golden hat. She shown each man in to his room.





The rooms were decorated in yet more gold. Golden beds , golden pillows , golden windows, golden toothbrushes , golden chocolates, golden soap, golden bathrobes, golden pictures .



They woke up that morning to have a bath in a golden bath with golden taps , golden mirrors , golden tiles and a golden toilet.





They were led to the golden diningroom via the golden staircase. The dining room was exquist. Golden walls , golden chairs, golden table goldrn knives and falks , golden spoons and a golden table cloth.





Theh golden maids came in and asked if they would like cerial or poridge for breakfast , while the men talked about how plush the place was.



The first man asked for poridge , as did the second third and forth , the fith asked for cerial.





and ladies and gentialmen this proves that 4 in 5 men prefur poridge!

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Josette!
Josette who!
Josette down!