Old and New Jokes

Érase una inocente princesa que paseaba por el bosque y que encontró en una charca el momento adecuado para refrescarse. En eso, oye una voz que le dice:

¡Hola!

Pero allí no había nadie y, pensando que se trataba de su imaginación, decidió continuar refrescándose la cara, cuando volvió a oír:

¡Hola, estoy aquí!

La princesa observó que se trataba de una ranita. Ésta le dijo a la inocente princesa que se trataba de un príncipe que había sido encantado por una malvada bruja y que si dormía bajo la almohada de una inocente princesa, se volvería otra vez príncipe y conseguiría la fortuna perdida. La princesita, que era muy inocente, la llevó al castillo, la puso bajo la almohada y se durmió.

Y este es el cuento que le contó la princesa a su padre, cuando al día siguiente la encontró con un tío en la cama.

The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.

A replacement of old bugs with new bugs.

To get to the shell station.

There were these three guys, a Polish guy, an Italian guy, and a Jewish guy. They all worked together at a factory. Everyday they noticed that their boss leaves work a little early. So one day they meet together and say that today when the boss leaves, theyll all leave early too.



The boss leaves and so did they. The Jewish guy goes home and goes to rest so he can get an early start the next morning. The Italian guy goes home and cooks dinner. The Polish guy goes home and walks to his bedroom. He opens the door slowly and sees his wife in bed with his boss, so he shuts the door and leaves.



The next day the Italian and Jewish guys are talking about going home early again. They ask the Polish guy if he wants to leave early again and he says, No. They ask him why not and he says, Because yesterday I almost got caught!

From Operating System Concepts, 3rd Edition by A. Silbershatz, J.
Peterson, and P. Galvin: In the section introducing
multiprogrammming, the book makes an analogy to try to make things
clearer:

[..discussion of CPU switching from job to job instead of waiting for
I/O to finish on current job…]

This idea is quite common in other life situations. A lawyer does
not have only one client at a time. Rather, several clients may be in
the process of being served at the same time. While one case is
waiting to go to trial or to have papers typed, the lawyer can work on
another case. With enough clients, a lawyer never need be idle.
(Idle lawyers tend to become politicians, so there is a certain social
value in keeping lawyers busy.)

Koala bear walks into a bar and picks up a woman. Takes her back to his place and perfoms oral sex on her. After satisfying her he just gets up to leave.

She insist that he stay longer. He hands her a handout from Australlia that idetifies him as an animal that eats bushes and leaves.

(I heard this from an MIT grad, who says its a classic).

A student pushes a loaded shopping cart up to the express checkout
lane at a Cambridge grocery store. The cashier looks at the cart,
looks at the student, looks at the EXPRESS–EIGHT ITEMS OR LESS
sign, and says to the student, Are you from Harvard, where they
dont know how to count, or MIT, where they dont know how to read?

John Bobbit Virus–

Removes a vital part of your hard disk and then re-attaches it. (But it will never work again.)

•Oprah Winfrey Virus–

Your 850 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 200 MB, and then slowly expands back to 850 MB.

•Politically Correct Virus–

Never calls itself a virus, but instead refers to itself as an electronic micro-organism.

•Right to Life Virus–

Wont allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.

•Government Economist Virus–

Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

•Federal Bureaucrat Virus–

Divides your hard disk into thousands of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

•AT&T Virus–

Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

•MCI Virus– Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you are paying too much for the AT&T Virus.

•Sprint Virus–

Every 3 minutes it tells you that its better than the AT&T and MCI Virus.

•PBS Virus–

Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money.

•Health Care Virus–

Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong with it, and sends you a bill for $4,500.

•New York Jets Virus–

Makes your Pentium II 266 MHz computer perform like a 12 MHz 286 computer.

•LAPD Virus–

It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in self-defense.

•O.J. Virus–

Claims that it did not, could not, and would not delete two of your most important files and vows to find the virus that did it.

•Ross Perot Virus–

Activates every component in your system, just before the whole damn thing quits.

•Ted Turner Virus–

Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

•Dan Quayle Virus–

Their is sumthing rong wit yourre komputer, we jsut cant figyour out watt.

1. Make fun of people
2. Spike your hair.
3. Pierece yourself in places that cause horrible pain.
4. Dye your hair.
5. Talk about sex and drinking, no matter how inexperienced you are.
6. Talk like you are stoned, even if you arent.
7. Say Duuuuuude. a lot
8. Ruin society