Dating children.

Chemistry Wonderland

Gases explode, are you listenin
In your rest tube, silver glistens
A beautiful sight, were happy tonight
Walking in a chemistry wonderland.

Gone away, is the buoyancy
Here to stay, is the density
A beautiful sight, were happy tonight
Walking in a chemistry wonderland.

In the beaker we will make lead carbonate
and decide if whats left is nitrate
My partner asks Do we measure it in moles or grams?
and Ill say, Does it matter in the end?

Later on, as we calculate
the amount, of our nitrate
Well face unafraid, the precipitates that we made
walking in a chemistry wonderland.

An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldnt get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, I pushed and pushed on the foot pedal and nothing happens. The foot pedal turned out to be the computers mouse.

¡Lobo, qué orejas más coloradotas tienes!

Sí…

¡Lobo, qué cara más roja tienes!

Sí…

¡Lobo, qué hinchadas tienes las venas del cuello!

Sí…

¡Lobo, qué apretados tienes los dientes!

Caperucita, ¿me quieres dejar cagar en paz?

Un mudo se encuentra jugando bingo. Van diciendo un número, después otro, y así hasta que gana.

¡Mmmmm!, exclama el mudo desesperado, tratando de llamar la atención.

¡Mmmmm!

Al ver que no le hacen caso, comienza a bajarse la cremallera del pantalón, cuando alguien hombre lo ve y grita:

¡El mudo se la sacó! ¡El mudo se la sacó!

En un pueblo de España vivía la Pilarica, famosa por sus andanzas y en donde ya todo el género masculino había gozado de sus caricias practicando el sexo de todas las formas posibles.

En esos días llega por ahí un turista despistado, la conoce en un restaurante típico y la empieza a conquistar formalmente, tratándola como toda una mujer decente, ya que él desconocía sus antecedentes de ramera. Al poco tiempo, todo el pueblo se entera de que va haber matrimonio y todos asisten a la boda, más por morbosidad que por otra cosa.

Se celebra la boda, y ese día la pareja decide pasar su primer noche en hotel del pueblo. Todos los lugareños deciden, por malicia, espiar por una ventana del hotel para saber lo que va a hacer la Pilarica ante semejante situación.

Empieza la función y como en la ventana nomás podía estar uno solo, éste les va diciendo de uno en uno lo que va pasando:

La está besando.

Y el otro le dice al otro y así sucesivamente:

La está besando.

La está desvistiendo, y se pasa la voz.

Ya le quitó las pantaletas, le informa el mirón al segundo y éste al tercero y así hasta llegar al último.

En eso, el novio le dice susurrante a la Pilarica:

¡Te lo voy a hacer por donde nunca te la han hecho!

Y el que está en la ventana empieza a gritar:

¡La va a dejar ciega, la va a dejar ciega!

El siguiente correo electrónico llegó a mi correo interno en la empresa donde trabajo, proveniente de una afiliada en Estados Unidos:

MESSAGE FROM CORPORATE (Any Corporate)

TO: ALL MEXICAN STAFF

FROM: HUMAN RESOURCES

RE: IMPROPER LANGUAGE USAGE

DATE: NOVEMBER 05, 2001

Several corporate officers have brought to our attention that Mexican staff commonly uses inappropriate language. Such behavior, in addition to violating Company Policy # 23.2, is regarded as highly unprofessional and offensive. Therefore, from this date forward, everyone concerned should immediately adhere to the following rules:

1. Words like carajo, chingada and other such expressions will not be used for emphasis, no matter how heated the discussion might be.

2. You will not say pendejo or la cagas, when somebody is being reprimanded, or que pendejada or que mamadas son estas when a major mistake or conflict has risen. All forms derived of the verbs, pendejear, mamar or cagar are unsuitable in our environment, for they lead to further confusion and potential disagreement.

3. No Manager, Director, or least Vice-President under any circumstances will be referred to as hijo de su chingada madre, hijo de puta, cabrón or ojete.

4. Lack of determination will not be referred to as falta de huevos, pinche puto or maricón, nor will persons with lack of initiative be referred as culero or pendejo.

5. Unusual creative or original ideas should not be referred to as pinches jaladas.

6. Do not say como chinga or jode if a person is persistent, or está jodido if a colleague is going through a difficult situation, or his or her departments position is untenable or ill-conceived. Furthermore, you must not say que chinga when matters turn complicated.

7. When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say vete a la chingada or vete al carajo, do not ever substitute May I help you with ¿qué chingados quieres?. When things get-tough and unacceptable, and statement such as We are going through a difficult time should be used rather than: esto está de la chingada.

8.Performance Management sessions with staff should never be referred to as esto ya mamó.

9.If you make a mistake just say so, and not say ya la cagué or ya me llevó la chingada when your Direct Reports get to know about your mistakes.

10.Under no circumstance should you call our staff members who are approaching retirement as rucos ojetes.

11.When in a hurry never use expressions such as ándale, cabrón or orale, pinches putos.

12. The statement te la pelas should not be used to discourage someone.

13. Nos la pelaron los pinches gringos should not be used to convey the idea of victory in a negotiation.

14. Body language like the one used by Mexican Senator Roque Villanueva is prohibited.

15. When a problem is not your responsibility, you must not say no es mi pedo, for there is not an accurate translation of the statement in our language

Thanks and have a nice day.

What educational programs should the United States support to alleviate the burgeoning US-Japan trade imbalance?



Japanese language lessons for lawyers.

A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrows final exam.





Now class, I wont tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family – but thats it, no other excuses whatsoever!





A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks,What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?





The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter





When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student,shakes her head, and sweetly says, Well, I guess youd have to write the exam with your other hand.

A lady went to bed and turned out all the lights. Later she awoke and heard

a crash, instantly she died of shock. What kind of house did she live in?

A LIGHTHOUSE!!!