A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her Grade Two class because she realizes Little Johnnys habit of using sexual innuendo is going to cause some trouble.

Johnny remains attentive throughout the whole class and, finally, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class.

One little boy raises his hand, I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs.

Very good, William, said the teacher.

My mummy had a baby, said little Esther.

Oh, thats nice, replied the teacher.

Finally, Little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him. I was watching TV yesterday and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns.

The teacher was relieved but puzzled, And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?

Itll teach those Indians not to f*** with the Lone Ranger.

Los estadounidenses se encontraban enfrascados en una guerra contra los rusos. Al tiempo que eran perseguidos por los rusos, los gringos cruzan un lago vacío, pero cuando los rusos lo iban a atravesar, el lago se llenó. Entonces los rusos se regresan, pero su general les ordena:

Cuando yo digoski: uñoski, doski, triski. ¡Todos chuposki, todos chuposki!

La tropa se pone alerta y el general vocifera:

¡Uñoski, doski, triski, todos chuposki!

Y los soldados rusos empiezan a chupar el agua del lago hasta vaciarlo y cruzan. Pero a la mitad, se empieza a llenar. Y vuelve a gritar el general:

¡Uñoski, doski, triski, todos chuposki!

Y, nuevamente, los rusos comienzan a chupar el agua del lago hasta vaciarlo y cruzan. Pero al llegar a la mitad, comienza otra vez a llenarse el lago y se tienen que regresar. Intrigado, el general ruso ordena a sus soldados:

Cuando yo digoski: uñoski, doski, triski. ¡Nadie chuposki, nadie chuposki!

Y comienza el general:

¡Uñoski, doski, triski, nadie chuposki!

Ningún soldado chupa agua del lago. En eso, del otro lado del lago se escucha:

¡One, two, three, todos a hacer pipí!

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.

He stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free.



The farmer turned to the husband and said, You know, youre the tenth car Ive helped out of the mud today.



The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, When do you have time to plough your land? At night?



No, the young farmer replied seriously, Night is when I put the water in the hole

A husband and wife had been fighting for 3-4 days.

The next morning they got up and were still not talking. The wife broke the silence by saying she had a dream last night.


The husband asked her about what.

She said she had a dream she was at an auction. They were auctioning off Penises. The little ones went for $500.00 and the big ones went for $1000.00.

The husband throws out his chest and curiously asked what one like his went for. His wife told him bluntly that they were giving them away as door prizes!

Her husband non-chalantly brushes this aside and tell his wife that I had a dream last night too. They were auctioning off Pussys. The loose ones went for $500.00 and the tight ones went for $1000.00.

The wife, not quite thinking he would come back at her asked him how much one like hers sold for.

Sell? The didnt sell yours… where in the hell do you think they held the auction!

10. Everbody likes sex and nobody likes school, except for virgins and only

because they havent had sex yet.





9. Sex sucks, moans, licks, pumps, throbs etc…, school just sucks.





8. After sex you feel like smoking a cigarette. After school you feel like



smoking something a whole lot stronger.





7. You only get disciplined during sex if you want to.





6. Drinking drives people to sex, whereas school drives people to drink.





5. Sex releives stress, school is the cause of stress.





4. Nothing beats the hands on experience you get with sex.





3. After sex you feel like you have accomplished something.





2. Sex is cheaper. Even if you have to pay for a hooker, it is still cheaper



than paying thousands of dollars in tuition.





1. At least you have a choice whether or not you want to have sex. At



school your teachers screw you regardless!!!

13. If you average less than 3 hours of sleep a night.

Yo mamas like…

– Yo mamas like a T.V., even a two-year-old could turn her on.
– Yo mamas like a bowling ball. Shes picked up, fingered, thrown in the gutter, and then comes back for more.
– Yo mamas like a rifle…four cocks and shes loaded.
– Yo mamas like a bubble gum machine…five cents a blow.
– Yo mamas like Chinese food…sweet, sour, and cheap.
– Yo mamas like a birthday cake, everybody gets a piece.
– Yo mamas like Burger King… Your way, right away.
– Yo mamas like a squirrel, shes always got some nuts in her mouth.
– Yo mamas like 7-Eleven… open all night, hot to go, and for 89 cents you can get a slurpy.
– Yo mamas like a toilet, fat, white, and smells like shit.
– Yo mamas like the Bermuda Triangle, they both swallow a lot of seamen.
– Yo mamas like a street lamp, you can find her turned on at night on any street corner.
– Yo mamas like a telephone booth, open to the public, costs a quarter, and guys go in and out all day.
– Yo mamas like a 747, she has a very large cockpit.
– Yo mamas like a microwave, one button and shes hot.
– Yo mamas like speakers, loud, ugly, lives in a box, and you can turn her up, down, on, and off.
– Yo mamas like a mail box, open day and night.
– Yo mamas like a bag of potato chips, Free-To-Lay.
– Yo mamas like a turtle, once shes on her back shes fucked.
– Yo mamas like a paper towel, she picks up all kinds of slimy wet stuff.
– Yo mamas like a bowling ball, you can fit three fingers in.
– Yo mamas like a bowling ball, she always winds up in the gutter.
– Yo mamas like cheap liquor, tastes like shit.
– Yo mamas like an aircraft carrier, has a flat top, a big bottom, cruises up and down the coast, and picks up 100 sailors in every port.
– Yo mamas like a bus, guys climb on and off her all day long.
– Yo mamas like a Christmas tree, everybody hangs balls on her.
– Yo mamas like a door knob, everybody gets a turn.
– Yo mamas like Dominoes Pizza, something for nothing.
– Yo mamas like Dominoes Pizza, one call does it all.
– Yo mamas like Pizza Hut, if she isnt there in 30 minutes… its free.
– Yo mamas like Sprint, 10 cents a minute anywhere in the country.
– Yo mamas like a carpenters dream, flat as a board and easy to nail.
– Yo mamas like a gas station… you gotta pay before you pump.
– Yo mamas like a goalie: she changes her pads after three periods.
– Yo mamas like a light switch, even a little kid can turn her on.
– Yo mamas like a telephone, even a 3 year old can pick her up.
– Yo mamas like a postage stamp, you lick her, stick her, then send her away.
– Yo mamas like a dollar bill, she gets handled all across the country.
– Yo mamas like a brick, dirty, flat on both sides, and always getting laid by Mexicans.
– Yo mamas like a race car driver… she burns a lot of rubbers.
– Yo mamas like a railroad track, she gets laid all over the country.
– Yo mamas like a screen door, after a couple of bangs she loosens up.
– Yo mamas like a shotgun, one cock and she blows.
– Yo mamas like a Toyota, OOooh what a feeling!
– Yo mamas like a vacuum cleaner… a real good suck.
– Yo mamas like a vacuum cleaner… she sucks, blows, and then gets laid in the closet.
– Yo mamas like an ice cream cone… everyone gets a lick.
– Yo mamas like the Panama Canal, vessels full of seamen pass through her everyday.
– Yo mamas like a refrigerator, everyone puts their meat in her.
– Yo mamas like cake mix, 15 servings per package!
– Yo mamas like an elevator, guys go up and down on her all day.
– Yo mamas like Dennys… open 24 hours.
– Yo mamas like McDonalds… Billions and Billions served.
– Yo mamas like McDonalds… What you want is what you get.
– Yo mamas like mustard, she spreads easy.
– Yo mamas like the Pillsbury dough boy… everybody pokes her.
– Yo mamas like lettuce, $1 a head.
– Yo mamas like a hardware store, 25 cents a screw.
Your momma is so fat… the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs!
– Yo momma is so ugly, she entered and ugly contest and one of the judges said Sorry…No proffessionals allowed!!!
-Yo mommas so fat, when the lord said – Let There Be Light, he had to ask her to move over!
-Yo mamas teeth are so yellow that when she smiles, people SLOW DOWN!
-Yo mama is so fat, she walked into a resturant took one look at the menu and said,yes please!
-Yo momma so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale!
-Yo mommas so fat she had to get baptised at Sea World!
-Whenever your mamma farts, she causes a continental drift!
-Yo mommas so fat even if she was the last person alive, the world would still be over populated!

Im out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?

All my life I said I wanted to be someone…
I can see now that I should have been more specific.

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made
with real lemons?