Generally, the Real Programmer plays the same way he works — with computers. He is constantly amazed that his employer actually pays him to do what he would be doing for fun anyway (although he is careful not to express this opinion out loud). Occasionally, the Real Programmer does step out of the office for a breath of fresh air and a beer or two. Some tips on recognizing real programmers away from the computer room:

At a party, the Real Programmers are the ones in the corner talking about operating system security and how to get around it.
At a football game, the Real Programmer is the one comparing the plays against his simulations printed on 11 by 14 fanfold paper.
At the beach, the Real Programmer is the one drawing flowcharts in the sand.
A Real Programmer goes to discos to watch the light shows. At a funeral, the Real Programmer is the one saying Poor George. And he almost had the sort routine working before the coronary.
In a grocery store, the Real Programmer is the one who insists on running the cans past the laser checkout scanner himself, because he never could trust keypunch operators to get it right the first time.

Thanx to William Conway.

Submitted by Glenn S.
I Wore What You Did Last Summer

I Suck At My Job

What Really Goes Down In The White House

How I Blew It In Washington

You Have to Work Hard to Find the Softer Side of the President

Testing the Limits of the Gag Rule

Going Back for Gore

Podium Girl

Secret Services to the President

Harass is Not Two Words: The Story of Bill Clinton

Deep Inside The Oval Office

The Congressional Study on White House Intern Positions

Shes Chief of MY Staff!

Al Gore Is In Command For The Next 30 Minutes

How To Beat Off the Government

Going Down and Moving Up

Members of the Presidential Cabinet

Me and My Big Mouth

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond comparison. With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman. Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them.The farmer simply replied, Theyre lookin to get married, so you came to the right place. Look em over and pick the one you want.The man dated the first daughter. The next day the farmer asked for the mans opinion. Well, said the man, shes just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice…pigeon-toed.The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter. The next day, the farmer again asked how things went.Well, the man replied, shes just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell…cross-eyed.The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did. The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, Shes perfect, just perfect. Shes the one I want to marry. So they were wed right away.Months later the baby was born. When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was the most ugly, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents.Well, explained the farmer, She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell…pregnant when you met her.

Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says we dont do livestock.

Yo mama so fat were in her right now

Two men were sitting at a bar recounting their dreams.

I dreamed I was on vacation, one man said fondly. It was just me and my fishing rod and this big beautiful lake. What a dream.

I had a great dream too, said the other. I dreamed I was in bed with two beautiful women and having the time of my life.

His companion looked over and exhorted, You dreamed you had two women, and you didnt call me?

Oh, I did, said the other, but when I called, your wife said youd gone fishing.

A man walks into a bar and he sees a guy with a foot long liter. he asks the man where did he get it? the guy replies there is a lamp by the lake rub it and the genie in it will grant you one wish. So the man runs to the lake finds the lamp rubs it and asks for a million bucks when he gets home there is a million ducks. He goes back to the bar and told the guy what happened. The guy replies You think I asked for a footlong bic?

Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens.

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product Im referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea.

The man lowered his head and said, Wedding cake.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?