Old and New Jokes

You might be a redneck if…
Your family tree does not fork.

I was maried 3 times explained the man to a newly discovered drinking partner , and Ill never marry again. My first 2 wives died of eating poison mushrooms and my 3rd wive died of a fractured skull.

Thats a shame. siad his friend , How did it happen?

She wouldnt eat the mushrooms.

This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?

A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.

why do all black people have nightmares…..

Did you hear the one about the assimilated Jewish man who didnt know the difference between challah & chuppah?

He had a crummy wedding!

The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work – the philosopher can do without the trash bin.

Why did the baseball coach throw Cinderella off the team?

Because she ran away from the ball.

Q: Did you see the polish submarine with a screen door?

A: Dont laugh, it keeps the fish out.

A girl came skipping home from school one day.

Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!

Very good, said her mother.

Is it because Im blonde, Mommy?

Yes, its because youre blonde.

The next day the girl came skipping home from school.

Mommy, Mommy, She yelled, we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G.

See? a, b, c, d, e, f, g!

Very good, said her mother.

Is it because Im blonde, Mommy?

Yes, its because youre blonde.

The next day the girl came skipping home from school.

Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these! And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

Very good, said her embarrassed mother.

Is it because Im blonde, mommy?

No, its because youre 25.