Cats have never forgotten this.

Two men, Robert and James, applied for an engineering position. Both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the department manager. Upon completion of the exam both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Robert and said, Thank you for your interest, but weve decided to give James the job. Robert replied, Why? We both correctly answered nine questions. I believe I should get this job, especially since Ive grown up in this town and James just moved here. The manager said, We made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed. How could one incorrect answer be better than the other?, asked Robert. Simple, said the manager. James put down on question #5, I dont know, and you put down, Neither do I.

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?

The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for a moment and then confesses. Yes. Yes he did.

The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks, Who? Who was he? Who was the father?

Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says, You.

A Lutheran pastor, a Catholic priest and a Rabbi were duck hunting from a boat not far from the lake shore. After setting out decoys the trio readied themselves for the ducks in the rosy pre-dawn light. It was then that the pastor realized he had forgotten his shotgun shells and had to make a trip back to the truck; so he got out of the boat, walked across the water, and in the same matter, came back to the boat with his shells.
They shot (at) ducks for the next two hours, drank coffee out of the thermos and ate sandwiches. The priest then had to make a trip to shore for a bathroom break. He got out of the boat, walked across the water in the same manner, came back to the boat.
Still later, the rabbi needed to go ashore. He got out of the boat and immediately sank. The pastor looked at the priest and said, Do you think we should have told him where the rocks are?

(Heard from a friend in New York in about 1970.)

When Lyndon Johnson was running for congress he called
his opponent a pig fucker.

Lyndons campaign manager said, Lyndon, you know he doesnt do that!

Johnson replied, I know that, but I want to make him deny it.

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, you do God’s work. The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.

A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, you protect the public. The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.

A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, you serve the justice system. The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.

A man was walking along when he spotted a small boy busily constructing something. He approached the boy and was shocked to see him playing with cow manure! For lack of anything better to say, he asked, Little boy, what are you doing?

The boy replied, I am making George Bush with this manure, Mister.

Now thoroughly taken aback, the man asked, Why are you making George Bush? Why not make, er, Bill Clinton?

The boy answered, Oh no Mister, I cant make Bill Clinton.

But why not? asked the man.

The boy replied Well, Mister, there isnt enough here to make Bill Clinton.

Era un concurso internacional en el que participaban un alemán, un americano y un mexicano. El ganador sería el que lograra pasar sin armas un bosque con lobos, cruzar nadando un lago lleno de cocodrilos, entrar a una cueva y matar a un oso a cachetadas y al final hacer el amor con una mujer.

En primer lugar se lanza el alemán; entra en el bosque e inmediatamente los lobos se lo comen.

Sigue el turno del americano quien logra deshacerse de los lobos, pero al tratar de cruzar el lago es devorado por los cocodrilos.

Por último llega el turno del mexicano, quien logra pasar el bosque, llega al lago, pelea con los cocodrilos y sale con vida. Inmediatamente entra a la cueva del oso. Se escuchan ruidos extraños, rugidos, gritos y después de un rato sale el mexicano lleno de sangre y con sus ropas destrozadas y pregunta:

¿Dónde está la vieja esa que hay que matar a cachetadas?

There were these three brothers that were very close to each other. The brothers always went to a local bar on every Friday at 5:30 on the dot.

When the brothers got married they all got married to their wifes to be on the same day and at the same place.



When the brothers moved away from each other to go on with their lives with their new wife, they all promised each other that they would still go to the bar every friday at 5:30 and drink for each other.



On the first Friday that the brothers were separated, the first brother went to a local bar and ordered three drinks. He took one sip from the first glass the took one sip from the second glass then from the third. He did this until all the beer was gone, then he paid the bartender and went home.



This kept up for about three week before the bartender finally asked why he did that. The guy explained about the promise that he had with his brothers. The bartender said that he thought that was a very good promise to keep with each other.



One day the same guy came in and asked for only two glasses of beer. The bartender thinking something awful has happened, said I am awfully sorry about your brother.



The guy not knowing anything about what the bartender was talking about said What happened to him? The bartender said that when he only ordered two drinks instead of three he thought that something awful had happened.



The brother then said No, nothing happened to my brother, I just decided to give up alcohol.

NO. 10

Tyson already has his next fight lined up, with Lorena Bobbitt. Winner eats all.

NO. 9

This gives new meaning to box lunch.



NO. 8

Reporter: Evander, what did you think when Tyson bit off your ear? Holyfield: What?



NO. 7

Spock-vs.-Tyson bout hastily canceled – John Corl, Rochester, N.Y.



NO. 6

What did Mike Tyson say to Van Gogh? You gonna eat that?



NO. 5

Did you hear about the new Mike Tyson computer? It has two bytes and no memory



NO. 4

Next bout: Tyson vs. Hannibal Lecter, with Julia Child to referee. To be held in Hungary. Billed as, The snackfest in Budapest.



NO. 3

How does Mike Tyson differ from Metallica? Metallica leaves a ringing in your ears. Tyson leaves your ear in a ring.



NO. 2

Slogans for Tys * The T * Da * * Ear-Reconcilable Differences





NO. 1

When interviewed after the fight, Tysons first remarks were that it tasted like chicken.