Q: How many Princeton students does it take to screw in a lightblub?
A: Sigh. The Alumni pay people to do things like that for us.

Note: Princeton has a reputation for being wealthier than the other seven.

A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girls grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?



Of course not, dear, replied the mother, Why would you think that?



The tombstone back there said…

Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.

Rush Limbaugh is being driven through the country and when he nears a farm, the chauffeur accidentally runs over a pig. Rush Limbaugh says that the chauffuer better go in and apologize and pay for the pig. The chauffuer is in there for 10 hours. When he comes out, Rush Limbaugh asks what happened and the chauffeur says, Well, I went in and told them and the farmer gave me a feast and the mother and daughter gave me incredible sex for 7 hours!! Well, what did you say?! cries Rush Limbaugh jealously. Oh, I told them that I was Rush Limbaughs chauffeur and Id just killed the pig.

A man with stomach trouble wanted to try the newly introduced automated diagnosis machine at the shopping centre. He inserted his credit card an a urine sample as instructed, waited 30 seconds and then read the printout: You have a tennis elbow. The man was impressed, but at the same time annoyed as his arms were perfectly alright. He decided really to put the machine to the test, so he went home and collected urine samples from his wife and his cat, and for good measure added the contents of a used condom. He returned to the machine, inserted his credit card and the combined sample. After 30 seconds the printout read: Your cat is going to have kittens, your wife is perfectly healthy, but you should quit masturbating when you have a tennis elbow.

One day two blondes were walking down the street when they found a compact. The first blonde picked up the little mirror and looked into it and said to the other blonde, Hey that person looks really familiar. Puzzled the second blonde looked into to the compact and said, Silly, thats me!

The early worm deserves the bird.

A: The outside.

Whats the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?

– A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

You might be a redneck if you think subdivision is part of a math problem!

Q: What is green, fury, and smells like pork?

A: Kermitt the Frogs fingers.