The following are copies of ACTUAL written statements submitted to the police on report forms. (Or at leat they claim to be ACTUAL statements. – You be the judge.) The drivers were instructed to give a brief statement on the particulars of the accident in their own words.

Woman Driver(WD): Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I dont know.

Man Driver (MD): I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my Mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.

WD: The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in the bush with just his rear end showing.

MD: In any attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.

MD: I had been driving my car for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

MD: An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and vanished.

WD: The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him.

WD: I saw the slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.

MD: The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

WD: To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.

WD: I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the roadway when I struck him.

MD: My girlfriend kissed me. I lost control and woke up in the hospital.

MD: When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car.

MD: As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.

MD: The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

WD: I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.

MD: I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, I found that I had fractured my skull.

WD: I thought I could squeeze between two trucks when my car became squashed.