Two blondes are walking along a river, one on each side. The first yells across the river to the other, Hey, How do you get to the other side? The second yells back to the first, You ARE on the other side!

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, I wish you guys could get your act together.

Just yesterday one of you takes away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!!

A
blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist
for a bottom deodorant. "Sorry, we dont sell bottom
deodorant" the pharmacist replies, struggling to
keep from laughing.
"But I always buy it here", the blonde
says. "I bought one last month". Thinking
quickly, the pharmacist suggests, " I dont know
what you bought before, may be you can bring in the
empty container next time". "Sure",
the blonde replies. "Ill bring it with me tomorrow"
The next day, the blonde walks into the shop again
and hands the pharmacist an almost empty deodorant
stick. "This is just a normal deodorant",
the pharmacist tells the blonde, "You use it
under your arms".
"No, it is not", the blonde answers, "it
says so here: To apply, push up bottom".

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde lady comes in and wants to bet $10,000 on a single roll of the dice. And she adds, I hope you dont mind, but I feel much luckier when I m completely nude.



With that she takes off everything but her necklace and rolls the dice while yelling, Mama needs new clothes. Then she yells, YES, YES, YES!! I WON, I WON, I WON.



She begins jumping up and down and hugging both of the dealers. Then she picks up her money and her clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, What did she roll, anyway?



The other answers, I dont know. I thought YOU were watching.



Moral: Not all blondes are dumb.

Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?

A: Because red means stop.

Q: How do you change a blondes mind?

A1: Blow in her ear.

A2: Buy her another beer.

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?

The blonde said, How about 50 dollars? The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The mans wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?

The man replied, She should. She was standing on the porch.

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

Youre finished already? he asked. Yes, the blonde answered, and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. And by the way, the blonde added, thats not a Porch, its a Ferrari.

There is this dumb blonde who likes animals, but is kind of afraid of horses. She still likes horses, so she decides to overcome her fear. So one day she hops on a horse, and the horse starts galloping and wont stop. She starts to get a little afraid but the horse wont stop. Everybody is watching and she doesnt know what to do. So she grabs its leg and the horse still wont stop. Then she decides to jump but her foot gets stuck in the stirrup. So she is bouncing on the ground and doesnt know what to do. Then the Wal-Mart manager comes running out and pulls the plug out of the socket and saves her.

**********************************************

Q. How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?

A. She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

**********************************************

Q. What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?

A. Look! They spelled MACYs wrong!

**********************************************

Q. Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?

A. Her blinker was on.

**********************************************

Q. What do you call a blond skeleton in a clothes closet?

A. The 1960 hide-and-go-seek champion.

**********************************************

Q. How did the blonde hurt herself while raking the leaves?

A. She fell out of the tree

********************************************

Q. How do you get a twinkle in a blondes eye?

A. Shine a flashlight in her ear.

********************************************

Q. Why did God give every blonde two more brain cells than a cow?

A. So they dont moo-moo when you pull on their tits.

**********************************************

Q. How do blonde brain cells die?

A. Alone.

********************************************

Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?

A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.