> original message by: dierdre@sco.com,
an adaptation of cheesy happy-face message sent to our upbeat alias

A good fuck costs nothing, but gives much. It reaches those who
receive without making poorer those who give. It takes but a
moment, but the memory sometimes lasts a lifetime. None is so
rich or mighty that he can get along without it, and none is so
poor but that he can be made richer by it. A good fuck creates
happiness in the home, fosters goodwill in business, and is the
countersign of friendship. It brings rest to the weary, cheer
to the discouraged. A good fuck is sunshine to the sad, and is
natures best antidote for trouble.

Yet, it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is
of no value to anyone until it is given away. Some people are
too tired to give you a good fuck. Give them one of yours, as none
needs a good fuck so such as he who has no more to give.

Have a good weekend…..

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was getting on in years and the farmer figured getting a new rooster couldnt hurt. So he buys a new cock from the local rooster emporium, and turns him loose in the barnyard. Well, the old rooster sees the young one strutting around and hes a little worried about being replaced. He walks up to the new bird."So youre the new stud in town? I bet you really think youre hot stuff dont you? Well Im not ready for the chopping block yet. Ill bet Im still the better bird. And to prove it, I challenge you to a race around that hen house over there. Well run around it ten times and whoever finishes first gets to have all the hens for himself." Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely thought he was more than a match for the old guy. "Youre on," he said, "and since Im so great, Ill even give you a head start of half a lap. Ill still win easy!" So the two roosters go over to the henhouse to start the race with all the hens gathering to watch. The race begins and all the hens start cheering the old rooster on. After the first lap, the old rooster is still maintaining his lead. After the second lap, the old guys lead has slipped a little — but hes still hanging in there. Unfortunately, the old roosters lead continues to slip each time around, and by the fifth lap hes just barely in front of the young fella. By now the farmer has heard the commotion. He runs into the house, gets his shotgun and runs into the barnyard figuring a fox or something is after his chickens. When he gets there, he sees the two roosters running around the henhouse, with the old rooster still slightly in the lead. He immediately takes his shotgun, aims, fires, and blows the young rooster away. "Damn. Thats the third gay rooster Ive bought this month."

A construction worker was rushed to the hospital after cutting
himself badly. The doctor told the nurse to prepare a pain killer.
Dont bother Doc, said the man. Ive been through a lot worse.

More painful than this? the doctor asked.

Ill tell you about the
second most painful accident I ever had. I was hunting one day and
had to take a shit so I dropped my pants and squatted. I tripped a
bear trap and BOOM, the thing snapped shut on my balls.

The doctor
winced, Thats awful. But tell me, what could be worse?

When I reached the end of the chain.

I was in the airport VIP lounge en route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago. While
in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a
drink.

I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle, but she
was running a little bit late. Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I
approached the Microsoft chairman, introduced myself, and said, Mr. Gates, I
wonder if you would do me a favor.

Yes?

Im sitting right over there, pointing to my seat at the bar, and Im waiting
on a very important client. Would you be so kind when she arrives as to come
walk by and just say, Hi, Ray,?

Sure.

I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat. About ten minutes
later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk business.

A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates.

Hi, Ray, he said.

I replied, Fuck off, Gates, Im in a meeting.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a triple martini. Thirty seconds later a lady walks in and ordered a triple martini.

The bartender says Wow! Two back-to-back triple martinis! Are you celebrating anything?

She says Yes, for ten years, Ive been trying to get pregnant and this morning I left the doctors office and he said I was pregnant!

The bartender looks at the guy and says Are you celebrating anything?

And
the guy says Yes. I breed peacocks. And for ten years, Ive been trying to breed a peacock with blue eyes. I walked out from the birdhouse this morning and there was a beautiful, blue-eyed peacock!

The bartender says Congratulations!! Howd ja do it?

He said I changed cocks.

She said, Me, too!

The FUCK word!

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English

language is the word Fuck. It is the one magical word, which, just by its sound describes pain, pleasure, love, and hate.

In language, Fuck falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John). It can be an active verb (Mary doesnt really give a fuck); or an adverb (Mary is really fucking interested in John); and as a noun, (Mary is a terrific fuck). It can be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful). As you see, there are very

few words with the versatility of Fuck.

Besides Its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to

describe many situations:

It can be used in an anatomical description – Hes a fucking asshole.

It can be used to tell time – Its five fucking thirty.

It can be used in business – How did I end up with this fucking job?

It can be maternal – as in Motherfucker.

Valuable Vocabulary Chart Below:

=====================================================================

Greetings……………………………….How the fuck are you?

Fraud………………………….I got fucked by the car dealer.

Dismay………………………………………….Oh, fuck it.

Trouble………………………….Hell, I guess Im fucked now.

Aggression…………………………………………Fuck you.

Disgust…………………………………………….Fuck me.

Confusion…………………………………..What the fuck…?

Difficulty…………….I dont understand this fucking business.

Despair………………………………………..Fucked again.

Exasperation…………………………………For fucks sake.

Enjoyment………………………………This is fucking great.

Hostility……………..Im going to knock your fucking head off.

Stupidity………………………….Geir Bergerud is a Fuckwad!

Incompetence……………………………..Hes such a fuck-up.

Ignorance…………………………………….Fuck if I know.

Displeasure…………………….What the fuck is going on here?

Lost…………………………………..Where the fuck are we?

Disbelief………………………………..Unfuckingbelievable!

Retaliation………………………………Up your fucking ass.

Surprise…………………………………………..Fuckin A!

Surprise………………………………..Well, Ill be fucked.

Suspicion…………………………What the fuck are you doing?

Contempt…………………Fuck you and the horse you rode in on!

A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her.

The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare & walked directly towards him. Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, Ill do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100 on one condition.

Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was. The young woman replied, You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.

The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket & slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the young womans hand. He looked into her eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, Paint my house!

While cruising at 36,000 feet, the airplane shuddered, and a passenger looked out the window. Oh no! he screamed, One of the engines just blew up! Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side. The passengers were in a panic now, and even the stewardesses couldnt maintain order. Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about. His words and his demeanor seemed made most of the passengers feel better, and they sat down as the pilot calmly walked to the door of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the seats and began handing them to the flight attendants. Each crew member attached the package to their backs. Say, spoke up an alert passenger, Arent those parachutes? The pilot confirmed that they were.The passenger went on, But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about? There isnt, replied the pilot as a third engine exploded. Were going to go get help!

here is a song:

OHHHH bin lattin dont you die so guick im ganna fuck your fanny with some anthrax on my dick.

Son: Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?

Father: Sure son. Whats the question?

Son: What is Politics?

Father: Well, lets take our home for an example. I am the wage earner, so lets call me Capitalism. Your mother is the administrator of money, so well call her Government. We take care of your need, so lets call you The People. Well call the Maid The Working Class and your brother we can call The Future. Do you understand son?

Son: Im not really sure, dad. Ill have to think about it.

That night, awakened by his brothers crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maids room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boys knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep.

The next morning he reported to his father.

Son: Dad, now I think i understand what politics is.

Father: Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?

Son: Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of shit.