Estaba Mickey Mouse en su casa con Mimí. En eso Mickey le dice a Mimí:

I want to divorce.

Mimí sorprendida le contesta:

Are u fucking crazy?

Mickey, con cara de galán, le responde:

No,I´m fucking Daisy.

WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?

MAN: Definitely not!

WOMAN: Why not – dont you like being married?

MAN: Of course I do.

WOMAN: Then why wouldnt you remarry?

MAN: Okay, Id get married again.

WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)

MAN: (makes audible groan)

WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?

MAN: Where else would we sleep?

WOMAN: Would you replace my pictures with hers?

MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.

WOMAN: Would she use my golf clubs?

MAN: No, shes left-handed.

WOMAN: – – – silence – – –

MAN: Shit.

Oh Husband, Dear Husband, I tremble with fear.

Youve been on overtime almost a year,

And since you are gone, till way late at night

A good piece of ass seems way out of sight.

O Husband, Dear Husband, Please dont be a fool,

Working this overtime is wasting your tool.

For better it is, to be poor all your life,

Than to bring a soft peter home to your wife.

I used to be happy as your little queen,

But now every night youre no where to be seen

You come home from work just able to creep,

I feel like screwing, but you want to sleep.

Each evening, Dear Husband, you crawl into bed,

Your intentions are good but your peter is dead.

I play with your pecker all wrinkled and dry,

I get so damn mad, I could lay down and cry.

I have pleaded with you dear, with tears in my eyes,

Ive played with your balls, but your pecker wont rise,

So Ill find me a man who works eight hours a day,

And while youre on O.T., well proceed to make hay.

For in this whole world, there is only one sin,

For which there is no pardon, and never has been,

And that is a man whos so foolish and mean,

That he gives up his fucking to run a machine.

What do you get when you cross a rooster and peanut butter?



A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth!

There was a man and woman traveling along in their car. The man was driving when a police officer pulls them over. The officer walks up to the window and says Did you know you were speeding back there.

The lady (who is almost deaf) said to her husband What did he say, what did he say?

The man turns to his wife and said He said I was speeding. The officer then said Where are you from?

The man replied Chicago

The wife then says What did he say, what did he say?

The man turns to his wife and said, He wanted to know where we came from.

The officer then said Shit, you know, I had my worst fuck ever in Chicago.

The lady then says What did he say, what did he say?

The man turns back and says He says he thinks he knows you.

A worried man goes to his doctor and explains, Doc, theres something seriously wrong with my digestive system! If I eat carrots, when I go to the bathroom, out comes carrots! If I eat peas, I take a dump, out comes peas! I eat apples and I poop apples! Im worried, Doc; What do you suggest?

The doctor said calmly, No problem, eat shit.

This really tough Hells-Angel type bursts into a bar and strides up to the middle of the bar. He orders a beer, gulps it down, turns to the people at the left end of the bar and growls All you down there… Youre all a bunch of queer cock suckers! he gulps down a second beer and turns to the right side of the bar. Youre all a bunch of stupid mother fuckers.

All is still for a moment until a guy at the right end gets up. The Hells Angel says Where the fuck you going?

The guy says Im at the wrong end of the bar.

GUYS: FIGURED OUT BY NAME



Aarons are dependable and talented.

Allens are preppy.

Alexes like porno, usally hot in a skater kinda way

Everyone has an Andy.

Bens are the smart, silent type.

Bills are the ones everyone chases and no one gets to keep.

Bob is the universal name.

Brads try too hard.

Brandons are dark haired, players.

Bretts are shy and clumsy.

Brians usually have only one good feature (but i havent quite found it yet)

Calebs never grow up.

Carters are rich, power-hungry snobs.

Chads are hot, quiet but interesting once you get inside.

Charlies are walking sex.

Chris are undefined and should remain so.

Craigs are a little misguided.

Dans are thick.

Daves are impossible to get over.

Dennis are quiet, desperate flirts.

Devons are destined for trouble.

Doug is the nice guy that repulses you.

Eds are thbp

Eddies are fast.

Erics are forgettable.

Ethans smell .

Franks and Tonys are Italian Stallions.

Fred is in the chess club.

Fredericks could be snotty.

Garys are gross Nazis.

Georges are mild-mannered and have weight problems.

Glens are either short or intelligent.

Gregs are bizarre.

Initial name guys are cool.

Jakes are insecure and slightly repulsive .

James are egotistical and stupid.

Jamies are shy but cuddly.

Jareds think they are the best thing since sliced bread.

Jasons are fun loving and handsome.

Jeffs are lost puppies, though they are adorable.

Jeremys are a tad fruity.

Jimmys are sweet and sexy!

Joes are awkward, shy-guys in first date situations.

Joels are frustrated. tend to hang out with Nelsons

Its hard to stand out if your name is John.

Joshes are romantic back-stabbers.

Justins mess with your mind.

Kevins have swanky hair.

Keith is built, but dry and annoying. Its like dating a broom.

Kens just dont measure-up.

Korys are egotistical, pleasure-driven jerks.

Kyles are horny bastards!

There is always something wrong with a Kurt.

Leonards are avid bug collectors.

Lesters are molesters.

Lonnies are nasty.

Marcus are players

Marks are touchy.

Martins have a strange sense of humor.

Matts are queer- one T or two.

Mikes are rascally, troublesome guys but are usually nice.

Nates are cocky for a reason.

Nelsons are home-schooled.

Nicks are jerks, immature and only want your body.

Owens have large families and drive fast.

Patricks are also incredibly sexy.

Pauls suffer from male-pattern baldness.

Peters are stalkers.

Phils are sensitive but geeky.

Philips are more geeky but equally sensitive.

Rays are players but majorly hot!

Randys have facial hair problems and pyro tendencies.

Richard–Dick, need I say more?

Rickies are very senstive,cute, and charming!

Robs are sleazy and make you feel cheap.

Robins are tormented.

Rod (the name itself) is perverted.

Rons are into pasta.

Roys are so childish.

Ryans are never appreciated.

Sams just like sex.

Scotts are hormonal and usually bad news.

Shawns are sweet in one-on-one situations.

Shanes are shady.

Simons are thin.

Steves are extremes(usually incredibly good looking incredibly bad)

Theos (or Theodores) always make you smile.

Timothys like to be mommied.

Todds are sweet, sporty guys.

Toms are nerdy but poetic. They have that inner something.

Tommys are way to possesive & need to get a life!

Travis are dumb jocks.

Tylers are genetically small .

Vances are good conversationalists.

Wesleys are romantic.

Williams are fat.

Zacks are good looking, but aloof

Mother calls up stairs, You boys better get down here and eat your breakfast or youll be late for school!

As they are ambling down, the 5-year-old turns to the 4-year-old, stops and says, Today were gonna learn to swear! The 4-year-old gives a fearful look.

The 5-year-old continues, When we get to the table, Ill say hell and you say ass! The 4-year-old agrees with reservation.

They seat themselves at the table. Mother greets them. Good morning boys! What would you like for breakfast?

The 5-year-old leans back and cocks his head… Hell Mom! Ill have Cheerios!

He is promptly escorted to another room while the 4-year-old seated at the table grimaces upon hearing the wailing cries of big brother getting a serious licking.

Mother returns with sniffling 5-year-old. She turns to 4-year-old and says compassionately, Well now, what would you like for breakfast?

The 4-year-old replies, I dont know ma… But you can bet your ass it aint Cheerios!